Tag Archives: sleep

Steroids; 5 Days of Solu-Medrol Done!

What a 5 days! It felt like forever! Each day, the closer to completion I got, the slower time felt. It didn’t help that a couple of the nurses had a bit of trouble placing the line… several times… resulting in multiple pokes and bubbles of burning Solu-Medrol under my skin. So much fun! I don’t plan on ever going back there again. First of all, it was ran out of a 2 bedroom house converted into a medical building. Lots of businesses do that in Redlands, CA but still, it was kind of weird at first. Then I just don’t have any desire to put my veins through that pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey-game again. Never even had that issue with medical students! But I am done. I was supposed to start a Prednisone taper today but guess what? My doctor never ordered the Prednisone despite my nagging calls! Oh well.

Moving Forward

I have dealt with depression for most of my life but I never REALLY talked about it, especially not online, not in a way that really shined a light on how bad of a problem it was for me. Since long before I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis it was just always there even if an apparent reason was not. I would just wake up with a heavy feeling of nothingness in my chest. No motivation and no desire to do anything but try to sleep in attempt to escape this feeling in one of my crazy and vivid dreams.

Anxiety, Stress and Sleep

I am not sure if I have mentioned this before because sometimes I don’t like admitting stuff like this (even to myself) but for the last 2 years or so I have been going through a bit of an identity crisis, again… MS is continuously changing my life and every time I have a major relapse and I am left living with a “new normal”, I have to learn how to come to terms with the changes MS left me with as well how to adapt to them. Several times in my life with this disease, I have felt lost regarding my identity; who I am and what my roll in this life is. For example, I thought I was going to be a photographer. Photography was my thing. I did some work (like weddings), studied it every day, and even took a class on it. But after MS did some more damage that seemed to have stuck, I slowly lost interest and gave up that idea. All of a sudden I was not “Matt the photographer” so I did not know who I was besides “Matt the guy with MS”. So I focused on writing but with more time and more “permanent disability” it became less enjoyable especially when I was not sure what my “ultimate goal” was. It was really hard to not think “what is the point of this? What difference can I even make?”

Trying to Increase Exercise Difficulty and My Productivity

Last week I stopped my “exercise routine” because I was not sure if I was getting sick or not. Guess it was a false alarm (knock on wood). So yesterday I got myself back on track for the week but I kicked it up a notch, a small notch but a notch. First, instead of using the recumbent bike I used the elliptical. On the recumbent bike, I noticed that my legs would fatigue before I really got my cardio going; it didn’t matter how long I was on it, how fast I pedaled or what level of resistance I was on. So even though I hate the elliptical I thought it would be much better for my cardio because you are pretty much moving your entire body rather than just your legs and wow, I am so out of shape!