What a 5 days! It felt like forever! Each day, the closer to completion I got, the slower time felt. It didn’t help that a couple of the nurses had a bit of trouble placing the line… several times… resulting in multiple pokes and bubbles of burning Solu-Medrol under my skin. So much fun! I don’t plan on ever going back there again. First of all, it was ran out of a 2 bedroom house converted into a medical building. Lots of businesses do that in Redlands, CA but still, it was kind of weird at first. Then I just don’t have any desire to put my veins through that pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey-game again. Never even had that issue with medical students! But I am done. I was supposed to start a Prednisone taper today but guess what? My doctor never ordered the Prednisone despite my nagging calls! Oh well.
I am not sure if I have mentioned this before because sometimes I don’t like admitting stuff like this (even to myself) but for the last 2 years or so I have been going through a bit of an identity crisis, again… MS is continuously changing my life and every time I have a major relapse and I am left living with a “new normal”, I have to learn how to come to terms with the changes MS left me with as well how to adapt to them. Several times in my life with this disease, I have felt lost regarding my identity; who I am and what my roll in this life is. For example, I thought I was going to be a photographer. Photography was my thing. I did some work (like weddings), studied it every day, and even took a class on it. But after MS did some more damage that seemed to have stuck, I slowly lost interest and gave up that idea. All of a sudden I was not “Matt the photographer” so I did not know who I was besides “Matt the guy with MS”. So I focused on writing but with more time and more “permanent disability” it became less enjoyable especially when I was not sure what my “ultimate goal” was. It was really hard to not think “what is the point of this? What difference can I even make?”