Last week I stopped my “exercise routine” because I was not sure if I was getting sick or not. Guess it was a false alarm (knock on wood). So yesterday I got myself back on track for the week but I kicked it up a notch, a small notch but a notch. First, instead of using the recumbent bike I used the elliptical. On the recumbent bike, I noticed that my legs would fatigue before I really got my cardio going; it didn’t matter how long I was on it, how fast I pedaled or what level of resistance I was on. So even though I hate the elliptical I thought it would be much better for my cardio because you are pretty much moving your entire body rather than just your legs and wow, I am so out of shape!
Well, the last couple of days I have started feeling a bit better, I don’t have that heavy “I am sick and need to rest” feeling but the oscillopsia is still horrible. I am still pretty fatigued but it’s manageable now; worse than usual but not as bad as a few days ago. Although I do not feel like I did a few days ago I do feel like I am back to square one… My muscles (mainly my legs) do not feel as strong, as if I have not used them in weeks. My vision is back to how it was a couple months ago so I feel like all the small improvements I made over the last two or three months has been undone. So time to “start over”.
Yesterday was my birthday, I turned 26. I have been thinking about this day for a while now; not because I had exciting plans or anything but because the last year or two has really sucked. My health has been out of control, my body is falling apart, my financial life has been a mess and my social life in nonexistent to name a few things. My life has been in a bunch of pieces and I have felt like I have absolutely no control over anything. I have just not been happy with my life and where it has been going. So that has had me thinking, I need to change things. I was sitting on the couch yesterday thinking about all of this and how I want “things” to be so much better in a year when I am 27 and sitting in that same spot. I want to be able to look back on yesterday and think, “wow, my life was such a mess” keyword “was”.
I am frustrated. The day before yesterday I was feeling pretty decent so I went for a walk and then did some very light exercises. I also wanted to see if Ritalin would magically start working so I took 20mg. I sat down for coffee, like any other day. After I finished I cleaned my mug, also like any other day. That turned into doing all the dishes which turned into cleaning off the counter tops which turned into me realizing we had no clean rags to work with so I did a load of laundry and then that turned into doing all the laundry in the laundry room and also cleaning and organizing the laundry room and probably more that I am not thinking of. It was too much. I don’t know if the Ritalin helped or if I just got myself going enough to not want to stop but… it was too much.