A New Direction

I really am not sure where to start… I keep going M.I.A. and then coming back and saying, “OK, I am going to get this blog back on track” and then… I go M.I.A. again and the whole process just keeps circling. I’ll start working on my blog and then for one reason or another I just step away from it. I really have no good excuse. My problem is that it just overwhelms me because I have been in this position for a few years now of feeling like “I have too many active projects”, too many things that I started (even things that I started before Multiple Sclerosis became part of my life) but have not finished. It’s the feeling of having a bunch of open books all around me; books that I started reading but never finished. That feeling overwhelms me because I know the simple solution is to just “finish a book” but there are so many “books”! And if I can get myself to pick one and start working on it I quickly realize just how much work is left to do in order to finish it and that realization is what really overwhelms me so I push it away and say, “screw this, I’ll deal with it later”. But the workload just builds and builds the longer I put it off so every time “later” comes the same thing happens; I get overwhelmed and end up putting it off again. That’s how I feel about this blog, it’s such a mess and doesn’t at all function the way I want it to, it is so disorganized! Then I sit down to start working on it and once I realize just how much work it will take I just have to step away! I don’t know when this thing derailed for me but I know that since then I have had a lot of time to contemplate the goals and purpose of this blog. My role as a member of the MS community and an MS advocate. My role as a human being.

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