I really am not sure where to start… I keep going M.I.A. and then coming back and saying, “OK, I am going to get this blog back on track” and then… I go M.I.A. again and the whole process just keeps circling. I’ll start working on my blog and then for one reason or another I just step away from it. I really have no good excuse. My problem is that it just overwhelms me because I have been in this position for a few years now of feeling like “I have too many active projects”, too many things that I started (even things that I started before Multiple Sclerosis became part of my life) but have not finished. It’s the feeling of having a bunch of open books all around me; books that I started reading but never finished. That feeling overwhelms me because I know the simple solution is to just “finish a book” but there are so many “books”! And if I can get myself to pick one and start working on it I quickly realize just how much work is left to do in order to finish it and that realization is what really overwhelms me so I push it away and say, “screw this, I’ll deal with it later”. But the workload just builds and builds the longer I put it off so every time “later” comes the same thing happens; I get overwhelmed and end up putting it off again. That’s how I feel about this blog, it’s such a mess and doesn’t at all function the way I want it to, it is so disorganized! Then I sit down to start working on it and once I realize just how much work it will take I just have to step away! I don’t know when this thing derailed for me but I know that since then I have had a lot of time to contemplate the goals and purpose of this blog. My role as a member of the MS community and an MS advocate. My role as a human being.
I have been writing about Multiple Sclerosis for almost 7 and a half years now and while at first I just wanted to share my experience and my journey I have come to realize that my role should be so much more than just telling you how my day went which frankly, I have grown tired of talking about. I want to turn my focus to something more and though I have not figured out exactly what that is let alone how to get there I think I am starting to move in the right direction especially since my health is “stable”… ISH… Many of you probably know that I have been managing the social media for iConquerMS and that has taught me so much about what I have to offer to people and what I have the ability to do for the MS community. Since I was a teenager I never really knew “what I wanted to do when I grew up”. I didn’t aspire to any sort of career, not really, nothing ever felt right, nothing inspired passion which at times really hindered my ability to feel like I had a purpose. That followed me into my adult life until a year ago when I started working with iConquerMS. The work I do for them has opened my eyes to new paths and so I finally feel like I have an actual direction to move in that if both fulfilling and helpful to other people which is also fulfilling.
So now that I have a pretty good idea of what path I want to pursue my goal is to “close as many books” as I can so that I can give my undivided attention to what is important to me. To rebuilding and bettering my role in the MS community. To starting a career path. To ultimately building a solid foundation in my life and building up from there. It will take a while to really get things going but in case you are wondering, it’s not like I am just lying around doing nothing all day, I have kept really busy trying to raise awareness for iConquersMS as well as learn how to do that properly/successfully, write for MultipleSclerosis.net, learn how to use different adobe software like Illustrator, researching schools, getting my financial life back on track and all while not letting my MS be a road block. So let’s see what I will be able to accomplish in 2018.