This relapse is just wiping me out. It’s been a while since I felt like one hit me so hard. I saw my neurologist the other day and he agreed. I start a 5-day course of Solu-medrol (IV steroids) tomorrow and that will be followed by a Prednisone (oral steroid) taper. Before my infusion tomorrow I actually have an MRI to see where things are at… I don’t feel any different than I did right before I did Lemtrada so I am not sure what to expect… not sure what the next step in my treatment will be. All I know is I am once again changing my diet. Once I feel like I am not relapsing I am really going to push the exercise thing. I need to make my health my life, as in, be super pro-active, something I wish I had maintained since first being diagnosed. I just want to feel like I have some sort of control over my life again, my body. I’m sick of being tired and tired of being sick. Well, that is it for today, I am so tired, fatigued, weak, and I just can’t see. I will try to post more details tomorrow if I am up for it but for now I need to keep resting.
The other day I explained how I had been going through a pretty rough patch. I just focused on my depression in thar post, something I have always (for the most part) kept to myself until recently. Obviously, I have expressed that I was feeling depressed in the past, but to me, that was all situational. This time I was talking about something that is just part of my awesome brain (catch the sarcasm?). Well as I said in that post, I finally seem to have a hold of it (as of now) but what I did not really talk about is how my Multiple Sclerosis has just been out of control, in fact, I would say it’s pretty obvious that I am in the middle of a relapse as I type.
I have dealt with depression for most of my life but I never REALLY talked about it, especially not online, not in a way that really shined a light on how bad of a problem it was for me. Since long before I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis it was just always there even if an apparent reason was not. I would just wake up with a heavy feeling of nothingness in my chest. No motivation and no desire to do anything but try to sleep in attempt to escape this feeling in one of my crazy and vivid dreams.