So yes, once again I fell off the radar. For the first time in many years I felt my clinical depression come back and just destroy me. Once I realized that this was what was happening, so much of what I have been complaining about recently started to make sense and what sucks is that I did this to myself. You see, when I was about 18 I was actually diagnosed with clinical depression. I have pretty much been on antidepressants ever since and I have tried so many until I found the one that worked for me which was/is Zoloft. So I feel really dumb because this is the stereotypical bi-polar disorder mentality; I feel bad so I need medication but after a while I feel good so I must not need the medication, not like I feel bad anymore right? I stop the medication and then I feel bad again. So a few months ago I was feeling good. I was no longer waking up feeling depressed for no reason so I decided to stop my Zoloft. I wanted to see how it felt to not be taking a handful of pills every morning that I might not even need. All I was taking was an anti-viral called Acyclovir which I have to take for so long after my last Lemtrada infusion to help make sure I do not get any sort of herpes-related virus.
Yesterday I finally had my first injection of Zinbryta. It took months to get it approved and sent to me but it finally happened. So that was a little relieving. But then I was nervous it was going to make me feel like crap much like Rebif did. After talking to a lot of people in support groups on Facebook my worries were put at ease a bit. It seemed like the most common issue was dry skin or an injection site reaction. Well, I injected around 8am yesterday and over 24 hours later no problems at all. No dry skin, no injection site reaction, nothing. So I am happy it went so smoothly.
Or all of the above? The last few days since the “MS Hug” popped back into my life, I have just not felt well. I did get a sore throat but maybe I just slept with my mouth open or something? I don’t know but I checked the inside of my mouth/throat for all the stuff I had to start checking for after Lemtrada and all was good. But still, I just haven’t been feeling well. I feel really week, my skin is almost tender sometimes, and I have been so tired! Fatigued, lethargic, whatever you want to label it as. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to do anything. But I have so much that has to get done, stuff that has a time limit so I have had to push through all this and try to get it done. So maybe between the stress of all that I have to deal with and the stress of trying to push myself so hard I am just breaking down?
This is going to be short and to the point. The day before yesterday I woke up with a minor pain on the right side of my chest towards the top. At first I thought nothing of it, must have just slept weird. As the day went on it got much worse and starting hurting to take a deep breath. Sometimes as I breathed out it would feel like every muscle in my torso was involuntarily contracting in attempt to squeeze every bit of air out of my lungs. Aww man, I remember this. The MS Hug…