I got up at 4:00am today, I wanted to try to be awake longer when it was cool out and then try to sleep through some of the heat. I had a bunch of alarms set on my phone, one to first wake up and take a Nuvigil to see if it helped me GET up despite all my absent or negative experiences in the past. So I took a Nuvigil and lied back down and before my next alarm went off my brain was chatting so much I had to just get up. I assume that was the Nuvigil because lately I have had no problems just going back to sleep.
So I went down stairs, opened all the windows, made coffee and sat outside because it was really warm inside and I felt like I just needed some air. Denied! It was so humid out! What the heck? I am used to it always being so dry! I checked my phone and it said that the humidity was at 90% and over the next 2 and a half hours or so it hit 93! I felt like I could not breathe and it wasn’t even hot out, it was about 60! But the air felt so thick, so heavy. Well, as much as I hate humidity, if I could, I would keep it 60, dark and humid out for the next four months if it meant not living in 110 degree weather! It is only June!
Anyways, as I let my stimulant and coffee induced “wakefulness” kick in I just sat, thought and sipped at my coffee. I did seem to be more aware of the world around me, details, Nuvigil again? I stared into the dark sky, moon but no stars (light pollution including the soft orange glow of a street light by our fence) and listened to all the sounds of the dark. Crickets, a random screeching (a bat? An owl?), roosters in the distance, occasional cars driving down the street behind my house and even a few cats making trouble in the neighbor’s backyard; a window on their house flickered a blue light from a TV left on. But even with all this, everything felt so still, so silent. I liked it. I forgot what solitude the early morning has to offer.
All the while, I felt like I really had to take deep breaths like I was packing air into my lungs before a really deep dive. It was so humid! Well, I was starting to really want to get up and get some stuff done before it started warming up so I went back inside. I felt really dizzy, this was the Nuvigil for sure, I have had this side effect before. It was horrible but I pushed through it because I seemed to have enough “motivation” to not want to just lie back down. I got some busy work done and went back outside to water the garden. I have not been back there in a while! The corn is about chest high now! I tried to get a little work done to keep it looking clean and tidy back there and then I went back inside to finish some more busy work.
I am really hating how dizzy I feel right now. I know I have said I am not taking Nuvigil anymore but I felt stuck in a lazy routine where I was sleeping in, getting nothing done and just letting my life go to hell so even though I knew that most the time I regretted having taken Nuvigil I decided to take one to try to break this cycle I am stuck in. Hopefully in the next week or so I can start getting up even earlier on my own. I really did not want it to come to this but it is just getting too hot in my room (the new A/C works pretty well but I think the difference between the heat this year and last year is that it is hitting the high earlier and staying high all day instead of just for an hour or so making it harder to maintain a cool temperature inside) and I am starting to think the best way to avoid the heat and actually get some stuff done instead of spending the next four months sitting down at my desk wasting away is to basically switch to a more nocturnal schedule.
So hopefully this will work out, we will see in the next few days!