Yesterday was my birthday, I turned 26. I have been thinking about this day for a while now; not because I had exciting plans or anything but because the last year or two has really sucked. My health has been out of control, my body is falling apart, my financial life has been a mess and my social life in nonexistent to name a few things. My life has been in a bunch of pieces and I have felt like I have absolutely no control over anything. I have just not been happy with my life and where it has been going. So that has had me thinking, I need to change things. I was sitting on the couch yesterday thinking about all of this and how I want “things” to be so much better in a year when I am 27 and sitting in that same spot. I want to be able to look back on yesterday and think, “wow, my life was such a mess” keyword “was”.
This is not going to be easy and I am not even completely sure what I will do or how I will do it, I have ideas but they have not been organized into a plan yet. I do know this; I need to get my health back under control. I have been working on getting off any medications I do not absolutely need anymore. I am re-introducing more supplements and am trying to change my diet. I mainly want to eliminate or reduce my saturated fat intake since according to Dr. Swank is a major contributor to disease progression in Multiple Sclerosis. He also found that people who ate more fish had a greater reduction in relapse rate; it’s the Omega-3 fatty acids. So I started taking flaxseed oil (which is supposed to have more Omega-3 than fish oil) and I am going to start eating fish (which I do not like) at least once a week but eventually 2-3 times a week. I have some things to figure out about the dietary restrictions Lemtrada came with regarding fruits and vegetables but I really need to get more fruits and vegetables into my diet. I want to be healthy. I want to feel healthy.
On top of all the diet stuff I want/need to get back into shape because I feel pathetic to say the least. Physical exercise promotes neuro-regeneration and I have read (but not fact-checked) that it can also help reverse brain atrophy which I have in my cerebellum. I also will be doing physical therapy exercises to improve things like balance or vision. I want to start doing all the little things I did when I was first diagnosed that may not have even helped my MS but probably didn’t hurt like taking cold showers again to reduce how much heat I am exposed to. Not fun but I am at that stage where I will do whatever it takes to not feel like this.
I also need/want to change up my daily routine. I need to start doing things to stimulate my brain again, things like reading, puzzle games, writing fiction again and simply being creative. All the fun stuff that I have slowly stopped doing over the years. Part of me wants to get a keyboard (piano) again to eventually start playing a little music even if my fingers no longer work the way they did. I think that sort of stuff would just be overall healthy for me.
My financial life. I am still working on a plan for this one but right now it looks like I am going to file for bankruptcy. Sucks, I don’t entirely want to but I think it is my best option. Clean slate. I checked and all the debt I have, credit cards, medical bills and even what I owe to Social Security are covered. Then, rather than working to make just enough money to break even on debt that will never be paid off at the low payments I am making, I can buy the things I need to better my health. More importantly, it would relieve me of a huge amount of stress and no longer would I have the issue of trying to get the medical clinic to let me do my blood work or see my doctor which is just a little vital to being healthy. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a pawn right?
Once I do this I will be able to actually get a lawyer to help me with a fresh, new SSDI application as the whole $26,XXX.XX “overpayment” issue will no longer be an issue. While I am working on this I can hopefully try to start working on my education again, but slowly. Maybe just one online class towards my general education at first; it would be one more class under my belt that I would not have otherwise. Plus, this would also get my brain working again. This is far down the line but I am trying to think about all my possibilities and who knows? Maybe there will be new possibilities that I just did not think about? All I know for sure is that nothing has changed in the last year or so and I have pretty much exhausted all the options I have so it’s time to shuffle the deck and get a new hand to see if I can find myself a better chance at “winning” this game we call life.
So I will really be trying to get this blog going the way my old blog was years ago but at first it might be a little rough but I am working on it. I am working on what is essentially a business plan for my blogging so hopefully once I figure that out things will start running smoother. I also started taking a simple “detox smoothie” today that I will have every morning for a while so that maybe I will really start to feel better once I clear my system of all the “junk” that should not be in there. Not the greatest “smoothie” I have ever had but not the worst either. Again, I am in do whatever it takes mode, I want to get better, so of course there will be certain things that I do not enjoy but I am pretty sure I enjoy how I feel now even less than the things I may not want to do like eat fish. Hopefully I will start to feel some sort of difference relatively soon and you will be able to see a difference in my blogging? Only one way to find out!