Just when I thought this relapse was getting better it got way worse. Yesterday sucked, I was so fatigued; I felt weak, dizzy, my vision has been a little more blurry than usual, and my fine motor skills have been getting progressively worse making typing really difficult. Today I woke up feeling extremely weak, I didn’t even want to get up! But I woke up early as I slept pretty well last night; I took VESIcare last night and wow, it really does work better than oxybutynin! I didn’t get up once to use the restroom last night! So I forced myself up. I don’t know why… So I went downstairs, watched the news for a bit and then went back to bed. I can’t explain how weak and heavy I felt, it reminds me off when I was little and had the flu; I just wanted to lie in bed limp.
Yesterday was my birthday, I turned 26. I have been thinking about this day for a while now; not because I had exciting plans or anything but because the last year or two has really sucked. My health has been out of control, my body is falling apart, my financial life has been a mess and my social life in nonexistent to name a few things. My life has been in a bunch of pieces and I have felt like I have absolutely no control over anything. I have just not been happy with my life and where it has been going. So that has had me thinking, I need to change things. I was sitting on the couch yesterday thinking about all of this and how I want “things” to be so much better in a year when I am 27 and sitting in that same spot. I want to be able to look back on yesterday and think, “wow, my life was such a mess” keyword “was”.
OK… I thought I was starting to feel better but then everything got horrible again… I woke up nauseous and even more dizzy again; back to square one. I didn’t eat all day, just dinner. First it was because I was too nauseous and then when I started feeling ok enough to eat, I went downstairs and it was just too hot in the house (we are in the 100’s already). So forget that. I had been taking smaller and smaller doses of cannabis to see how little I could take while still getting the nausea relief I wanted because too much and I am high and I sort of am not trying to be high all the time, I would like to be able to just function clear-headed you know? Well I found the right dose yesterday but it was just too hot to go downstairs and cook.