Another gap in my blogging, but why? Well first comes the excuse; I have been relapsing… again. I had been really fatigued after what felt like a week of insomnia and then on Tuesday (the 24th) I woke up crazy dizzy and feeling weak. The sort of dizziness that is not the result of oscillopsia. I had forgotten just how bad it could be so I guess that even though I still have remnants of these symptoms every day, I am actually doing way better than I was last year. The improvements have just been so slow I could hardly notice!
The dizziness was so bad that I was hit really hard with nausea to the point where I was not eating. So after a few days of this not letting up I went and bought some cannabis oil because that completely eliminates nausea for me and as well, I caught up on all that sleep I didn’t get before and started eating again. I started to feel a lot better yesterday as far as insomnia, fatigue/energy and weakness but not fully the dizziness; still dealing with that a bit but not as bad as the other day. I felt really groggy (probably from all the sleep I got) so I decided to take a Nuvigil to see if it would randomly do something for me. Well, it did. I felt it but not in a great way. It is supposed to give you energy and vivid clarity in your thoughts but instead, well, people with MS describe their cognitive issues like walking through a fog right? Well I felt like I was running through a fog; not sure where I was going but knowing I had to be there ASAP. Well, at least I didn’t feel groggy anymore right?
I also got a prescription for VESIcare, a medication used for all the bladder symptoms that a neurogenic bladder can bring about. Usually I use Oxybutynin but my neurologist wanted to try this so I said sure. I have not even opened the bottle yet as I am not going to take it every day, I am just going to take it when I go out so we will see how it works in time. Hopefully it works well because it’s a name brand, there is no generic, so it was a little pricey. If it does work well though it will last me a long time since I am only taking it as needed so it will have been worth the money.
So that is the excuse but I was thinking about it today and I think I have figured out one of the reasons I have been so unmotivated to write for such a long time. I sort of feel like nothing positive has been happening in my life. I am tired of talking about me because all I ever have to say is something negative and it’s just so old! I am not sure how I will get myself to change that because I am sure a lot of it is just me being pessimistic… I need a break, something to really come in and change things so I can escape this but… things don’t really change unless you change them so I know it’s really up to me. I have to change my perspective since the view is not really changing right now.
OK lets end on what I think is a humorous note. I was in the garden watering the plants the other day when I tripped really bad. A pipe for the sprinkler system had broken so I was in the process of digging a trench around it so we could get to it. I forgot the hole was there as I was walking backwards with the water hose in hand. I stepped in the ditch and so began the wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man dance of trying to regain my balance and not fall on my face. I did lean into the fence and scrape my arm a bit but that did not hurt as much of the embarrassing thought of “what if someone saw me?” because I can only imagine what that near-fail looked like from a distance. Especially since I was holding the water hose the whole time so I sprayed myself pretty good with it. Good times…