Everlasting Insomnia Takes it’s Toll

So the other day I had some pretty bad insomnia. The next
day/night I took a bunch of medication to help me sleep. The following night I
had even worse insomnia. I think that
was bad grammar but whatever, I don’t feel well. I could not drift off and the
TV (which I turn the screen off of and use a sleep timer on just so I can hear
noise) kept turning off even when I set the timer for an hour and a half. I
never hear it turn off even when it is set for just an hour! I suppose an hour
is still a long time but I have always had trouble sleeping for the last few
years. Anyways, I didn’t want to get up and take medication because part of me
thought if I just gave it a little longer I would fall asleep on my own.
Just a little longer…
Just a little longer…
“Oh wow, it’s 3:00am and I have been in bed since 9:00pm.”
I was wide-awake and now I was just angry, annoyed, fed up.
So I got out of bed and did what you’re not
supposed to do when you can’t sleep; I got on the computer. I surfed Facebook
for a while, listened to music on Youtube, and did some reading. I was still wide-awake
– I was physically exhausted but mentally I was wide awake. I tried lying back
down but after an hour of shifting around in bed I gave up again. So I turned
the TV back on and started watching the first season of House.
Later I tried walking around. My vision had tanked again and
I could not walk. My balance was horrible. I watched House all day, literally, until 8:00pm! Then I took
some Tylenol PM and 50mg of Benadryl and tried to sleep. I kept dozing off and
then some sound would startle me awake. Finally
I fell asleep but how deep of a sleep I have no idea. I had a dream I was on
the planet Mars in the not to distant future watching someone try to break the
record for how far a football can be thrown on Mars and then I was driving
around on Mars listening to a friend tell me I should join AARP to get cheaper
car insurance. “But you have to be over 50”, he kept telling me to which I
would reply, “yeah, I know, you said that, and I am not!”
Now I am talking to someone about Mars (back on Earth) wondering
when a Toyota car dealership would open on the planet. Would Ford beat them
there? I woke up to hear my TV did not turn off; I forgot to set the sleep Timer.
The Science channel was on so I just laid there for a while, listening, trying
to convince myself to get up. “The Universe” was on (Mars) and then it switched
to a commercial brake. Some show about beating the world record for throwing a
football with a machine, AARP and then an auto commercial. So I guess I was in
that half awake half asleep state and my brain was turning the sounds of the TV
into my dream…
I feel a little more “stable” today, as in, I can walk. My
vision is still not great but it’s better than yesterday – not as good as 2
days ago but better than yesterday. I can’t do this. I need sleep to get better
but I don’t want to keep using medication to sleep. I had mastered overcoming
insomnia without medication but ever since I moved back from Colorado I have
been having such a hard time sleeping… I miss my silent apartment so much.
Ugh… I just want to see again. I want to not feel dizzy.
I think I will take something tonight and talk to my
neurologist tomorrow (when I see him before my Tysabri infusion) about what I
should do or take because I have tried everything over the years! Fingers
crossed… Oh, yeah, I am supposed to
do my IVIG on Friday so we will see about that…

Must be California spring. I left my window open all night
and it never got cooler than 70 degrees F (21C) in my room. Summer will be fun!..

2 thoughts on “Everlasting Insomnia Takes it’s Toll

  • May 15, 2015 at 8:40 pm

    Hello Matt. My name is Hector Hernandez and I am a current student enrolled in the MOT program at Loma Linda. The title of this blog entry really captured my attention as I have been in these situations many times. I was curious to see someone else's point of view when dealing with insomnia as it is a pain to deal with when you have to get up early the next day for whatever reason, whether it be for school or for a job.

    I can only imagine how this has affected you especially with MS as not having a proper sleeping schedule really takes a toll on your body. I love how you still have a sense of humor on the situation and look on the positive side of it. I don't know what your current situation is in regards to insomnia but hopefully you have overcome this ordeal as you did in the past! Hope everything went well with your IVIG!

  • May 16, 2015 at 8:55 pm

    It IS a pain, how am I now? OK. It comes and goes. It has always been that way in the last 4 or 5 years. It is so annoying and I don't even have obligation to wake up to (right now)!


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