Everlasting Insomnia Takes it’s Toll

So the other day I had some pretty bad insomnia. The next
day/night I took a bunch of medication to help me sleep. The following night I
had even worse insomnia. I think that
was bad grammar but whatever, I don’t feel well. I could not drift off and the
TV (which I turn the screen off of and use a sleep timer on just so I can hear
noise) kept turning off even when I set the timer for an hour and a half. I
never hear it turn off even when it is set for just an hour! I suppose an hour
is still a long time but I have always had trouble sleeping for the last few
years. Anyways, I didn’t want to get up and take medication because part of me
thought if I just gave it a little longer I would fall asleep on my own.
Just a little longer…
Just a little longer…
“Oh wow, it’s 3:00am and I have been in bed since 9:00pm.”
I was wide-awake and now I was just angry, annoyed, fed up.
So I got out of bed and did what you’re not
supposed to do when you can’t sleep; I got on the computer. I surfed Facebook
for a while, listened to music on Youtube, and did some reading. I was still wide-awake
– I was physically exhausted but mentally I was wide awake. I tried lying back
down but after an hour of shifting around in bed I gave up again. So I turned
the TV back on and started watching the first season of House.
Later I tried walking around. My vision had tanked again and
I could not walk. My balance was horrible. I watched House all day, literally, until 8:00pm! Then I took
some Tylenol PM and 50mg of Benadryl and tried to sleep. I kept dozing off and
then some sound would startle me awake. Finally
I fell asleep but how deep of a sleep I have no idea. I had a dream I was on
the planet Mars in the not to distant future watching someone try to break the
record for how far a football can be thrown on Mars and then I was driving
around on Mars listening to a friend tell me I should join AARP to get cheaper
car insurance. “But you have to be over 50”, he kept telling me to which I
would reply, “yeah, I know, you said that, and I am not!”
Now I am talking to someone about Mars (back on Earth) wondering
when a Toyota car dealership would open on the planet. Would Ford beat them
there? I woke up to hear my TV did not turn off; I forgot to set the sleep Timer.
The Science channel was on so I just laid there for a while, listening, trying
to convince myself to get up. “The Universe” was on (Mars) and then it switched
to a commercial brake. Some show about beating the world record for throwing a
football with a machine, AARP and then an auto commercial. So I guess I was in
that half awake half asleep state and my brain was turning the sounds of the TV
into my dream…
I feel a little more “stable” today, as in, I can walk. My
vision is still not great but it’s better than yesterday – not as good as 2
days ago but better than yesterday. I can’t do this. I need sleep to get better
but I don’t want to keep using medication to sleep. I had mastered overcoming
insomnia without medication but ever since I moved back from Colorado I have
been having such a hard time sleeping… I miss my silent apartment so much.
Ugh… I just want to see again. I want to not feel dizzy.
I think I will take something tonight and talk to my
neurologist tomorrow (when I see him before my Tysabri infusion) about what I
should do or take because I have tried everything over the years! Fingers
crossed… Oh, yeah, I am supposed to
do my IVIG on Friday so we will see about that…

Must be California spring. I left my window open all night
and it never got cooler than 70 degrees F (21C) in my room. Summer will be fun!..

2 Responses to Everlasting Insomnia Takes it’s Toll

  1. Hello Matt. My name is Hector Hernandez and I am a current student enrolled in the MOT program at Loma Linda. The title of this blog entry really captured my attention as I have been in these situations many times. I was curious to see someone else's point of view when dealing with insomnia as it is a pain to deal with when you have to get up early the next day for whatever reason, whether it be for school or for a job.

    I can only imagine how this has affected you especially with MS as not having a proper sleeping schedule really takes a toll on your body. I love how you still have a sense of humor on the situation and look on the positive side of it. I don't know what your current situation is in regards to insomnia but hopefully you have overcome this ordeal as you did in the past! Hope everything went well with your IVIG!

  2. It IS a pain, how am I now? OK. It comes and goes. It has always been that way in the last 4 or 5 years. It is so annoying and I don't even have obligation to wake up to (right now)!

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