My MS and the Cold; I Have Had a Lot on My Mind

So all I have had (it seems) are excuses for why I am not writing and I am getting tired of hearing myself say it. It’s been so hard to work full time, take care of bills, errands, and just… life. So yeah, that was an excuse. Here is another one; I have had a lot on my mind lately. “Soul searching” you could say. I have a hard time to do anything but lay down and just think; stare at the ceiling and simply contemplate. I am not depressed or anything I just feel like I need to think because I am so busy on a daily basis that I don’t even have time to explore my own thoughts you know? Right now I wanted to do just that; I got home from work, ate, and just wanted to lay down and but instead I forced myself to sit down and write a bit. I am not going to share what has been on my mind, lots of personal stuff I suppose. Well that and the repeating question, “what am I going to do with my life?” as in a career. No, more than that, a legacy; what will the legacy I leave behind be? Maybe that sounds weird but it means something to me; I want my life and all that I have been through to matter somehow and I have not found the way that I feel accomplishes that properly just yet. I know it will come in time but it annoys me; I wish I knew the answer NOW. I don’t have that feeling of fulfillment in life. Anyways, what have I been up to? Well, besides work, I have been enjoying the weather. It has been in the teens and occasionally the low 30’s (-18 to 0 Celsius) and I love it. We had snow a few days and it has not melted since it has been so cold. It’s funny though; it cold at first but I acclimated so fast. I got out of work tonight and it was about 10 degrees outside (-12C) and starting to snow and I felt fine in my T-shirt and work khakis. A co-worker was outside smoking all bundled up in thick jackets and he said, “so you aint got nothin’ but a T-shirt on and you feel fine? Oh that’s right, you told me you like the cold” haha it was kind of funny. When we hit 35 yesterday I actually felt warm! Although, as soon as a breeze hits my Raynaud’s Phenomena symptom kicks in and my fingers feel like they are going to fall off even if my torso feels warm. I will explain what Raynaud’s Phenomena is on multiplesclerosis.net
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