OK, I have been absent for a long while. I have had a decent excuse but now I have had enough of it; I want to move towards what I enjoy (and feel I should be) doing in life. All I can think about is JK Rowling and her story of going “from rags to riches”. She had an idea that started on a napkin, she worked on it on the bus while on her way to work, and typed her manuscript for harry potter on an old typewriter; you know, the kind where you literally had to punch the keys? I have a laptop and a little free time so I need to get creative. I am going to try a few things out like writing up a post at home and then taking my laptop to work (where I have Wi-Fi) and posting my blog there. I have an actual locker that I can store my laptop in till I go home. I am supposed to have internet on Monday but for some reason I have to be home between 8:00am and 5:00 pm even though I said I would do a self install and the tech literally just has to switch me on at the box outside and because of that, and because I am certain I work Monday, I will probably have to reschedule for a later date.
All I know is this; I don’t feel I am meant to be helping people find a movie, a type of broom, or stocking shelves. After all I have been through, with all I have come to learn over the years, everything I have done, the people I have met, I feel I am meant to help people. I feel I am meant to impact the MS community in some way shape or form beyond a personal blog. I can definitely write a book and I am sure people would be interested in Multiple Sclerosis from the perspective of a male diagnosed at the age of 20. I like to speak, crowds don’t scare me, and they seem to enjoy listening to me so I should be sharing my insight to help shape the way medical students think about the disease and how they should treat patients with MS. To help motivate others going through hard times. I feel I have a good amount to offer to the world of MS and right now I am doing nothing to head in that direction. I feel as though all that I am in the MS community and all I have done/been through is fading away.
Now I know that I just moved. I am on my own now. I have my own place, a car, a job, bills, etc and this would keep anyone busy. I am just a bit frustrated because I don’t feel I am moving in the direction I want to but I know I am. Everything I just mentioned happened in a matter of months so of coarse it will take some time to settle into this new life and eventually I will start my career, not just a job. I must me clear though; I am grateful for my job and my ability to work. We as humans I think, always want “more”. The “more” that I want is to be able to do something I love and that is helping people, reaching people, and changing the way people might think. I want to have time to do something meaningful in the world as well as focus on my health. Closing at 11:00pm, driving 20 minutes homes and getting to bed by midnight so that I can sleep 7 hours and be at work by 8:00am without even eating dinner or breakfast is not healthy and not the life I want but it’s simply a means to an end.
So I will be patient and slowly do a little work on this career endeavor every day, even if it’s just 30 minutes of writing after work and before I go to bed. I have to. Things don’t change unless you make them change and again, I have made a lot of change in the last few months, so really? I just have a bit more to go. If I could make all that other stuff happen in a matter of months I can surely make my career goal happen!
Nothing worth fighting for comes easy as they say.