A Roundabout Realization

I went outside to feel the cool air; it was raining today, a
scarce happening for California these days. I stepped down from the porch and
walked across the street to the mailbox to look up at the sky above my parent’s
house. Dark, gray, just the way I like it. Then I looked down at the house, at
the bench I had sat on so many times in the past when I needed to go outside
and breathe or just think. It looked… different. Why? Why did it seem so
“foreign” to me? I stood there and thought about it and found myself desperately
searching the corners of my brain for some sort of answer, some clue, as to why
this small spot I have spent almost 3 years around felt… unfamiliar?

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Denial; First Relapse in FOREVER!

OK, I was in denial. It was a long drive home, 16 hours or so (but we did stop and stay at a hotel half way through), and it was a little stressful. More so because I was thinking of everything I had to do when I got to California; change of address, go to the DMV to get my new license, find a new car, buy new insurance, call everyday till an appointment opens up so I can get in to see my neurologist, switch my prescriptions to a pharmacy out here, switch all my bills to my new address, close a couple accounts back in Colorado Springs, update all my credit cards, open a new bank account, figure out if I am transferring my job out here or finding a new one, updating my SSI (benefits) information and probably more that I have not thought of yet. I got home late my first night and I did not sleep well so when I felt like crap all the next day I assumed it was due to that. The next day (yesterday) I woke up feeling better but by noon I was feeling worse than the previous day. I slept most the day and then hung out with a friend when I started thinking, “wow, I still feel horrible, what if I am relapsing?” Today I am already not feeling so great. Same as the last few days; dizzy, poor balance, extremely weak legs (well I feel weak everywhere but mostly there), no apatite, achy, just… crappy… Even when I scan my eyes to read what I just wrote I feel dizzy… I was hoping it was just a flare since I have not had a relapse in over 2 years but this has obviously lasted more than 24 hours so officially? It’s a relapse. I was in denial but I can’t ignore it any longer, I hate being so dizzy and I hate feeling like I am going to collapse when trying to walk up the stairs. Hopefully I can get in to see my neurologist quickly or at the least, maybe he can write me a prescription for Acthar
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