Independence and Asking for “Help”

So I was reading a post on a blog today from Thanksgiving and it made me want to not only share it but also talk a little about my views on the subject. So this is my “belated Thanksgiving” post. What am I thankful for? Well, not MS, but what I have learned from the disease I don’t think I could have learned any other way, so I am thankful for the knowledge and wisdom it has brought me. It has helped me appreciate things I took for granted, it has shown me who my true friends are, it has helped me see what is really important to me in life, and many other things of the sort. As well, if not for this blog (that was only started after I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis) I would have never met my girlfriend who has shown me an entirely different and . Would I any of my horrible MS experiences like my stay? ! Would I change it if I could though? No… It had definitely shaped me into a person I was not before and though I am far from perfect at the moment, I think the foundation for happiness has been set. So read the post on =&0=&
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PT & Out in the Open to Think

Yesterday morning I had my first appointment with a physical therapist in a long time and this time it was at a location of my neurologist’s choice not a location based on convenience. We didn’t do much but assess my situation but even just from that I could tell that this physical therapist was good. He knew what he was talking about and wasn’t just reciting what he had memorized from the textbooks; he was applying his knowledge in a problem solving manor, the way physical therapy be. He wants to focus on my core strength/stability. He thinks that because the tiny little muscles in my core are not working the way they be to stabilize myself as I walk that other muscles are trying to compensate and do a job (stabilizing) that they are not meant to do. Because they are constantly struggling to keep me stable and upright they are in a constant spastic state. The goal now is to retrain my brain to use my core muscles to stabilize me as I take a step rather then using larger muscles like my quadriceps. This is frustrating because it’s not a matter of lifting weights and strengthening but a matter of trying to get my brain to send a signal somewhere else when I take a step. Not easy but I think this makes perfect sense so let’s see how this goes. I am supposed to go in twice a week for 12 weeks I think?

Now, a separate note. Obviously I have been going through a period of “being unable to think” these last few days and my mind has been full of unorganized thoughts driving me into a hopeless mental collapse. It was suffocating me. So yesterday, after I got back from physical therapy I decided I just had to get out, I had to breathe! My typical 1 mile (1.5 kilometer) walk around my neighborhood, through the dirt field, and through the park, was not going to do. I needed space. So I decided to try taking my dog for a drive to the edge of town where I used to walk and ride motorcycles as a teenager. I have never taken her in the car before but she did well once she was in there. She just sat there on the back seat and looked out the window as I cruised across town.

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Cog Fog – Emotional Stress

The other day I had a bit of an emotional/mental breakdown because of my “cog-fog” (cognitive fog). I was in the middle of an emotionally stressful conversation and I was trying to express my feelings the best I could which even under “normal” circumstances can be difficult. I was trying so hard but I could just not put my thoughts into words and it made me feel… “trapped”. My cognitive being had an idea that needed to be expressed but that idea could not vent from my body in the form of words so the pressure just built and built like steam in a metal tank. Eventually the pressure became too much and the tank ruptured.

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