School is obviously on my list of priorities not only for the sake of working towards something but also for the sake of rebuilding a social life… well… a life. A routine, a sense of responsibility, etc. But once again I have realized there is no way to jump right back in to school where I left off several years ago. The brain is like a muscle and as they say, “if you don’t use it you loose it”. If you sit in a chair for three years and never stand your legs will atrophy and become weak. Same with your brain; I have not been using mine and it has grown weak, I can feel it. Simple tasks stress my head out as if I was doing some complex mathematical task. It’s so hard to explain… As far as going back to school though, it’s like this; I am not just complaining that it’s too hard when I say I am not ready to jump back in, I am saying it’s too hard for my brain to complete such a task (if you look at my brain like a muscle that has grown weak.) If you didn’t use your legs for 3 years and they atrophied then it would be too hard to move a 50 pound weight across the room, not because you just don’t want to put the effort out, but because your muscles are not ready for such a task. My brain is not ready for too much schooling… I have to “stretch it out” a bit and like that Lumosity commercial says, “going to the gym is easy; you can work out any part of your body, but they don’t really have a machine for your brain” so I am still trying to figure out how to do that.
As I mentioned before, I am going through “a bit of a thing”. Multiple Sclerosis has consumed my life for the last few years and I am desperately wanting my own “non-MS” life. I know it’s a phase and maybe it’s one I need to go through but this transitional period of my life is tricky and frustrating to say the least. I am trying to get established and self sufficient but it’s so hard to know where to start when your stuck in a system that only wants to help you enough to survive and once you start moving forward from “surviving” to “growing” your obviously OK enough to be on your own. So I am just trying to breathe and take it one step at a time. I think it is too soon to come up with some “master plan” for setting up my life, right now I have to focus on moving forward just an inch at a time and soon I will build up enough momentum to move at a much faster pace but first? Small, strategic, moves.Read more