Now, a separate note. Obviously I have been going through a period of “being unable to think” these last few days and my mind has been full of unorganized thoughts driving me into a hopeless mental collapse. It was suffocating me. So yesterday, after I got back from physical therapy I decided I just had to get out, I had to breathe! My typical 1 mile (1.5 kilometer) walk around my neighborhood, through the dirt field, and through the park, was not going to do. I needed space. So I decided to try taking my dog for a drive to the edge of town where I used to walk and ride motorcycles as a teenager. I have never taken her in the car before but she did well once she was in there. She just sat there on the back seat and looked out the window as I cruised across town.
The other day I had a bit of an emotional/mental breakdown because of my “cog-fog” (cognitive fog). I was in the middle of an emotionally stressful conversation and I was trying to express my feelings the best I could which even under “normal” circumstances can be difficult. I was trying so hard but I could just not put my thoughts into words and it made me feel… “trapped”. My cognitive being had an idea that needed to be expressed but that idea could not vent from my body in the form of words so the pressure just built and built like steam in a metal tank. Eventually the pressure became too much and the tank ruptured.
I was thinking about my loss of taste last night/ today and I thought of the perfect way to explain this bizarre symptom I have had a few times over the coarse of my MS life. When I have loss of taste it’s not like a light switch; on or off. I can still taste things just not the way they are supposed to be tasted. Same with the numbness in my mouth and on my lips; I can still feel but not the way I am supposed to feel. It’s like when you get numbed up at the dentist and your lip feels fat; you could bite it and bleed and it probably wouldn’t hurt much but at the same time you could still tell that something is touching your lip.