Look How Far I Have Come – Time to Slow it Down

I have been thinking a lot these last few days… I have been depressed over some stuff and fed up with my financial life. I am so sick of opening my bank statement to see “-64.62” and after I “fix” it I have a whopping balance of “$0.01”. I miss making over $1,000 a month; making a grand total of $750-$800 a month on SSI (benefits) is no way to live and sometimes it’s not even enough to survive. I am not sure how I will manage but I want a job. I need a job. There are people way worse off than I am who can do it so I should be able to do it too. It’s won’t be easy finding someone who will work with my MS when I am competing with people who can offer twice as much as I can but I told someone earlier today that “you can’t fail until you try” and then I realized… for me to give that advice out right now is very hypocritical.

I need to change some stuff in my life, so while I figure that out I will be cutting back on how often I blog. Perhaps just once a week? That way when I do blog it will be quality reading not just something quickly thrown together. I need to rebuild an identity… I am going to work on a photography blog I meant to start a few months ago and now that it is cooling down I need to start my actual photography life back up. At this point? I will basically be starting from scratch because what I once could do with a camera just a couple years ago is not what I can do today. I am just not as mobile and I can’t jump around to get those creative pictures so I need to come up with a new style. More importantly though, I need to make something of myself again so that “Multiple Sclerosis” is not my only identity…

It’s funny though, I don’t like to look back at my past, it depresses me. Why? Well, I had so much more back then (as far as a job, money, a car, friends, social life, a scholarly life, hobbies, etc) and now? Not so much… When I look “back” into my life it’s like I only let myself go back to when I was first diagnosed with MS, that is when my “new” life started. I need this life to be better than my old life so I can allow myself to look back more. While I was thinking about that concept I decided to look back at my first blog post here, to see where it all started, and to see how far I have come. I have almost forgot just how much I have been through since I noticed my first symptom and though it doesn’t feel like it most of the time, I have accomplished a lot and I have come a long ways. But now it’s time to take it to the next level because I feel like I am just sitting here everyday while my life grows stagnant. I rarely have anything new to talk bout, just the same old stuff to complain about every week.

So I recommend you read my first blog post
to see what I was looking back on and to see just how far I have come. I will post again soon, probably while I am in Georgia at that patient advocacy meeting. Take care.

5 Responses to Look How Far I Have Come – Time to Slow it Down

  1. Anonymous says:

    Hi Matt, hang in there. My daughter was diagnosed the same year, 2010, at the age of 15. She is in college now and is having a mild relapse…technology is advancing at such a rapid rate. I am sure that a cure will happen in your and her lifetime!

  2. YogiJennie says:

    I agree with Anon. I do think there's a cure that will happen in your lifetime.

  3. S Yemai says:

    Trying turning the things you like doing into a job, plus have some advertisements on your blog page it generates money.

  4. S Yemai says:

    Another thing you can do is, make your photography printed as post cards, you can as well do cards for MS and cancer or whatever disease but add humor example like instead going to a hospital with get well soon card you can make a card like. Dear MS, if you think you can invade my friends body guess what you are WRONG ! my friend will only have the battle scars of a warrior !… just giving you idea's 😛

  5. Haha easier said than done, and I DO have ads here, I just took some down, I was making like 50 cents a day haha so it's just cluttering up my blog…

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