I thought I was on track after a couple days back from Ireland but no, definitely not. 8 hour time difference, 9 from here and Slovakia… It’s easy going there but hard coming back. It’s almost 5:30PM in California at the time of me writing this post and in Dublin, Ireland it’s almost 1:30AM tomorrow and it seems I am caught in between time zones. If you have never traveled into another time zone by plane this is called jet lag. It may be 5:30PM where I am now but my biological clock is still on Dublin time so I am so tired… I was avoiding the use of melatonin (melatonin resets your internal clock, it does not induce sleep but it simply tells your brain what time to start shutting down) because I thought “well I am going to Georgia in 2 weeks so I might as well wait” but then it dawned on me… I am going for one night… So tonight I am going to start taking Melatonin. Falling asleep has been easy but I keep waking up at about 3:00AM on the dot (11:00am Dublin time) which is way to early even for me!
Being so tired is extra rough on my MS. My balance has been all out of whack and I am way more clumsy than usual. I didn’t take Acthar last month either and I am about a week overdue on my Tysabri and I am feeling it all. I have never looked forward to a needle so much, I really need it at this point.
Did I mention last month that my neurologist confirmed I have actual Optic Neuritis now? My vision issues up until now were caused by a lesion in my brain, probably somewhere in the visual cortex located in the occipital lobe in the back on the brain. Optic neuritis is when your vision is impaired (blurred) due to the immune system attacking your optic nerves. My optic nerves were always fine but now it looks like my MS has started eating at those. My vision has definitely been getting worse these last few months; I can no longer get away with not wearing my glasses, everything is just too blurry! I wear them from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep and sometimes they hurt me above my ears, it feels almost raw sometimes! I hate it but not enough to not see… Sometimes I wrap a piece of tissue around the leg of my glasses to help pad it… guess that’s the price you pay for choosing the free frames out of the free box! I need a new prescription because even with my glasses some things are hard to see and I have been getting a lot more head aches lately so when I go in for that I will try to get to frames or maybe even contacts depending on what I can afford… I have just always worried I will poke my eye out but I really am sick of wearing glasses; the pain over my ears, feeling like something is on my face, feeling like something is falling off my face, not being able to wear sunglasses when I drive, feeling like I can’tt see though the lens of my camera well, etc. So we will see.
Speaking of not being able to see, I almost crashed the car the other day! Actually it was not my fault.
The on ramp to the freeway by my house starts off as two lanes and merges into one. They are doing construction by the on ramp so there are cement dividers on either end of this cement bottle neck and they are pretty close to the road, not sure why. I was getting on and the two lanes were about to merge when I saw on my right side a car trying to pass me. There was no room and he was not going fast enough for me to slam on the brakes and let him pass. Not sure what they were thinking, probably just a stupid kid.
I had 3 options; crash into him, run off the road into a construction mess, or speed up and try to get ahead. I went with option three. One problem, the on ramp is a large circle so we were in the middle of a turn. The tires on the car I was driving were somewhat bald and the torque of the Mustang accelerating caused me to spin out as I sped up. I used to dirt bike so I got myself used to split second maneuvers and not panicking (panic kills!) but my driving skills are not what they used to be. As I corrected the car’s “spinning out” I must have over compensated my turning and I turned a bit too far and smacked into one of those concrete dividers. I bounced off and because the dividers created such a narrow driving space I basically became a 2 ton pinball. I came to a stop and without hesitation took off as not to hold up traffic. We didn’t touch cars so there was no reason to stop, they didn’t anyways. I headed towards the next exit imagining how much damage I just did to my Dad’s car. To my surprise, just a few scratches and scuffs on the bumper! “That was close!” I thought, so today? I got new tires.
That could have been much worse, but I am fine and I credit that to not panicking! My Dad always told me when we used to do satellite installations for his business: People die because they panic. They are 24 feet (8 meters) up a latter and why do they fall? A bee flies in their face, they panic, and they fall, so I have always tried to teach myself not to panic, to maintain control in a situation. Doesn’t matter if I was climbing up onto a roof, loosing control of a vehicle, or choking on food, I try to stay calm.
So what my point is, is this; I am tired. I am a bit jet lagged but since I got back it has been go, go, go, so I am also “life-lagged”! So it’s taking me time to get back in the “blog zone”, I am trying to get back into eating enough, I need to start exercising, I have to set up my flight to Georgia, work on notes to take with me, shopping, everything! I can’t even think exactly what right now, I am just tired!