I was walking around some cafeteria, no sunlight was visible to let me know if it was day or night, there was only the white florescent light that shined down from the long bulbs lining the ceiling. The walls were white and the counter tops were stainless steel and a dark woods, slats, not solid. I had a blue, plastic, food tray and I was walking around choosing what I wanted from the various food islands. I don’t recall what I grabbed, the dream was vivid in part, but certain objects with little importance were somewhat less vivid. I don’t remember how the food felt when I grabbed it; was it cold? Hot? Warm? I don’t know. I remember feeling like I wanted to hurry up and just pay for my food and leave but I am not sure why.
My left leg started feeling weak… As I threw a few last things on my tray my leg just gave out and I fell to my right knee dropping my tray. I was able to stand back up so I gathered what I had dropped (it was all pre-packaged) and I left the cafeteria. Now I was in some sort of mall-like building, same lighting, same colors, and no windows. My leg gave out 2 more times and both times I dropped my food. I didn’t feel too embarrassed about tripping and spilling my tray several times but instead it was mostly a feeling of dread as in “Oh no, this can’t be happening again…”. I felt like I was racing a ticking clock to get home before my time expired resulting in something bad for my MS.
There is a large gap in my memory here. Now I am home but not a home I have ever known. My body is giving out, I was quickly moving back to the physical state I was in back in rehab. My legs were growing weak, my arms were limp, my balance was dying, I felt like jello; I was trying not to collapse. Now there was a feeling that I had to get in the shower quickly. A panic crawled over me like I was on fire and needing to get to the shower to put it out, I was not on fire, I was not burning, nor was I feeling hot, I just knew I had to get in there. I couldn’t get my left shoe untied so it was stuck on my foot. At this point a nurse (I think) was trying to help me take it off. I remember thinking “who are you and why are you in my bathroom?” and feeling embarrassed/ashamed that I needed help to do something so simple in my life again.
I woke up.
That was not a good start to my day because I often have dreams so vivid that I wake up with the lasting emotions from my dream. If a friend did something to anger me in my dream I would wake up and not be in a good mood with that friend even though I knew it was just a dream. So I felt irritated with myself when I woke up, I was depressed about my health, I mean, I have to live with MS on my shoulder all day every day and then I usually can escape a bit while I sleep but that night? Nope, MS followed me into my dreams. The previous night (before that dream) I think I ate something bad because I went to bed feeling like I ate way too much and then I woke up feeling sick.
Because of this I just felt so fatigued… I pretty much slept all day… I don’t think I really did anything else all day, I know that when I did wake up I was going nuts suffering from a bit of cabin fever. I hate being stuck in this one room all day and not being able to go out because of the heat! I feel like all I do is sleep, watch TV, surf the net and… That’s it…