Being Diagnosed With MS Younger VS Older

It’s not a new question, certainly not to me. Would I rather have been diagnosed in my 40’s or when I was 20? I always have opted for the “while I was young” card for one simple reason; being younger, I am learning to cope with MS without too many life obligations where if it had happened to me later on in life, I would have to learn how to cope with the stress of MS all the while dealing with the pre-established stress of my own life.

Here is the problem… I have been at the point where I am ready to move on to “the next level” for a while now, I mean, I have already fallen behind. The problem is, thanks to MS, I have found myself stuck in life with almost no options in sight, none that I can see at least. I mean, I get just enough money from social security to not move forward at all so I feel stuck in one spot. I can’t afford a new car and without a car I can’t get a job or go to school because it is too hot for me to walk and take the bus. Because I can’t work or go to school I can’t move forward towards a goal in life, I can’t save up to move out, and I can’t work towards a career that will gain me health insurance after I am 26 when my current health insurance will expire. That is just a few years away…

No, instead of moving forward in life like everyone I grew up with I am stuck here in my room in an environment that drives me mad… I hate where I am in life and I want to move forward so bad, I have been patient for so long, but I have reached my breaking point, I am not sure how to handle this. Everyone tells me to “be patient”, “Things will change”, but I can’t wait anymore! Life doesn’t change unless you change it yourself. I am sitting here watching the hourglass of life spill sand down that falls faster and faster with each day and soon every grain of sand will have fell and I won’t even be able to pay for my medication.

Looking even shorter term, being stuck in this house and in my room, is stressing me out so much it’s affecting my health! Rather than improving I am simply not getting worse at best. The one puzzle piece I need to make life OK is a car, that would solve so many problems… but what am I supposed to do in my situation?

I used to be a great problem solver but now? I can’t think of anything. Does that mean there are no options or that my mind has gone just enough that I simply can’t think of any? It’s still probably a good thing that MS happened to me being so young but it sure does suck because it is hard enough for your average individual to get a life started in California but it’s even harder with the weight of MS pulling you down…

I wish I knew a financial adviser or a lawyer or someone who can tell me what I need to do with what I have in life to get to where I want to be… I can’t imagine that many of these problems would be issues for me had I been diagnosed later in life.

 

 

4 Responses to Being Diagnosed With MS Younger VS Older

  1. Anonymous says:

    Hi Matt. I have been thinking of you a lot lately. I check your blogs on a regular basis to see how you are doing. Right now, I feel so deeply sad for what is happening, or not happening in your life at this point. The frustration has to be so immense at times. Going around in circles is tiring…like…you WANT a job and need a job, you NEED a car to get you to one, you NEED money to move on with your life, disability helps somewhat, but its not enough for you to carry on forward with your life. I can understand why you are depressed (even if on antidepressants), I understand how being depressed, makes you more depressed. Positive thinking and being grateful are wonderful (like you are), but that does NOT get you out of where you are at right now.
    I am somewhat depressed all the time, (and on antidepressants) my thinking skills can go blank often, I feel self centered sometimes, because I keep thinking about myself and how I want to be different) I don't do that when others are around (I keep it to myself…ha ha…myself!) So many of us with MS suffer from the heat, in more ways than we can even understand….I believe more research will have to take place in that regard.
    Some thoughts of mine:
    Could you use that money you raised to buy a car? After all it was raised to help you, and you need help with that (and it is MS related)
    Could you put different photos (enlarged) or other scenes to bring a little peace into your being. put them all around your room, on the wall and change them often
    Call volunteer centers to see what services you can tap into perhaps to receive help with legal services, legal information, disability information, drivers, people who might help you figure out what to do in your circumstance. If I was able to volunteer, I would be out there helping anyone, with anything, because that would be meaningful for me. I can't that do that now because I feel I can be relied on to do a job, when every day I don't know how I am going to feel. I would imagine there are lots of people 'out there' with energy to spare and need somewhere to use their energy and thought to help others. And I'm not talking about support groups, just people wanting to help the community at large and be in service to others.
    YOU ARE IN SERVICE, YOU KNOW, EVERYTIME YOU POST A BLOG AND SHARE THE GOOD, BAD, UGLY AND HONESTY. If its true, that thoughts can send energy and caring, then know my thoughts are coming straight at you!
    Mary (British Columbia, Canada)

  2. Elaine says:

    What about selling photographs to make money towards a car? From what you've said before, I get the impression you're professional/semi-professional with that – do you have scenic photographs or things that people might be interested that you could sell? Maybe even offer at auction on your blog?
    If this is dumb or naive, please ignore.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Matt –

    I was on Lexapro for years. I was also on other drugs like that. Don't think that those drugs aren't causing alot of problems. They made me so foggy. You should read up on SSRI's. They have ZERO evidence that they work. They cannot test for chemical imbalances and they can't test to see if the chemicals are balancing after taking the meds. You seem like the kind of guy that researches so look into it.

  4. sorry for the late reply, I have been so behind…

    I am slowly turning around so I just need to focus. I do have pictures all around my room. It's nice to have things to look at besides walls.

    I tried selling pix but it is hard…

    I am working on some ideas, idea to get a car and get through the summer, we will see how it goes.

    Thank you all and thank you for the positive thoughts!

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