I am Back! IVIG, Life, School, Independence, etc

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I am back! OK, I seriously
meant to blog here and there while I was gone but it felt good to
take a break from the computer, I hardly ever even touched it for
three weeks! For those who do not know, my girlfriend flew in from Ireland and spent a few weeks down here in California with me. We
stayed here in Moreno Valley for a while and then most our time in
Anaheim so I was nice and busy with that which is why I have not been
online. I actually got back about a week ago but I have not blogged
because one, I needed to rest, and two, my laptop broke again! This
time I am done with it. I have repaired it so many times that it is
being held together with tape, it’s time to declare it dead, so now I
am on my desktop which has many issues as well but it will have to do
till I buy a new computer. Interesting fact; It is in fact difficult
to blog without a computer!

Three weeks, that is a
while without updating… Let me catch you up; I really did not
notice too much as far as symptoms go. My balance was on and off as
well as fatigue but it’s been hot (near 100F / 37C in MoVal and about
80F / 26C in Anaheim) plus I was really active so it is no surprise
that it all effected my MS. It was a little frustrating because last
time I saw my girlfriend in person I was in Ireland where the weather
treated me great, I was feeling so well! Here, I felt like crap,
physically and mentally, so I felt like I could hardly keep up, like
I was a completely different person… If our brains were car engines
that usually run on oil the heat definitely replaced my brain’s oil
with molasses… I don’t want this to be my life, I don’t want to
live like this, and I don’t want her to see me like this again, I
want to feel good and be all I can you know? Not just for her but for
me as well, I don’t want to feel like I can’t do something I know I
could do a few months ago just because of the weather, it’s not fair,
California does not let me be me…

Oh yeah! IVIG! Intravenous
Imunoglobulin;

“Intravenous
immunoglobulin (IVIG) is made out of antibodies that have been
filtered out of donated human blood pooled from many donors and
suspended in solution. Immunoglobulins are types of antibodies that
are secreted by white blood cells and plasma cells.


IVIG seems to work in neurological diseases by
increasing the action of some parts of the immune system and
decreasing the action of others.”
-About.com
 
I had this done over my little break and this IV was
done in-home and took 6 hours! I had to take a bunch of Benadryl
which knocked me out for a while… It was lame… How did it make me
feel? It… It didn’t do anything… At least not that I can tell…
Perhaps without it the heat would have treated me worse but there is
no way to know. Point is, I can tell when steroids or Acthar do
something but the IVIG did not give me this feeling unfortunately…
I really wanted it to work but I can not even attribute anything to
wishful thinking… So it’s not for me, I can now cross it off the list. At least I
have a bunch of left over medical supplies and IV equipment including
an IV pump so now I am ready to play doctor in a post apocalyptic
zombie wasteland!

Coming home has been somewhat depressing for me… We
rented a car for 3 weeks and for that time if I needed to go
somewhere or just get out I could just go. I had my independence back. But now? I am back to being
stuck in my room unable to even walk anywhere due to the heat… On
top of that I just went from being busy everyday to going stir crazy
in my room not having anything to do and of course I am
alone again, no real interaction with people face to face, just
online, and sometimes that is hard when you just need to get out and
sit and talk with someone to simply vent. I love all my online friends but sometimes I just need someone to get coffee with… I am realizing how little
of a life I have at the moment but worst of all, I am realizing that
my life is not moving and that is just killing me. I am just sitting
here waiting for my next benefits check, wasting away, and going
nowhere. 
 

So I am trying to get things moving, I need to
rebuild my life and get my independence back because I can feel my
health slowly slipping as a result of my mood and depression… I
need to get a car so I can get out of the house at the least, work my
way back into school (which will not only help my brain but give me
some human interaction), and eventually try to find a job. Once I
have actual income I can start saving to move out (to somewhere that will treat my health better), go to the gym, and
maybe hire a personal trainer. (UPDATE – Content Removed 6/19/2013)

Next month I should have the money to get a secured
credit card (since I have never been able to get any kind of credit
thanks to the economy I assume) and get a cheap laptop just for
blogging. While I start saving for a car I can start slowly
establishing some sort of credit though, who knows what a few months
will even due towards my non-existent credit score. 
 

I have reached a point in my MS life where I am
stable (more or less) and I have to start building my personal life
over again. Not having my own life is only going to negatively effect my mood
which will then effect my health sending me backwards. Once I can
rebuild my financial life I can put more money into my health by (for
example) going to the gym and buying healthier foods for myself. This
will also allow me to promote my mental and emotional health by
allowing me to do something with my life like going back to school
because right now my life is becoming stagnant and it’s making me
miserable… I need to see movement and besides, anyone with MS will know the
importance of maintaining a healthy emotional life and right now I
am at a great low which is slowly (as I said) effecting my physical
health.

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