I Felt Really Down Today

Usually this is not an issue for me anymore, but MS got be pretty depressed I think. I woke up and had a decent start of a day, I wanted to get a lot done today. I decided I was going to do a youtube video so I got my camera gear and walked to the park for a nice, peaceful, environment. I had some note cards to help me remember all that I wanted to talk about so this should go nice and smooth.

I started filming and I could feel I was tripping over my thoughts, my brain was “congested” and nothing was running smoothly in there. All I could think about was how in Ireland, in that cooler weather, I could think so much more clearly than I can here. Speaking my thoughts was easy there but now I am sitting here at the park, during what I would call “nice weather”, and it’s like none of the words or the cognition that my brain sent to my mouth was actually getting through. That signal was being interrupted. It was so frustrating, knowing what you want to say but not being able to say it. Like thinking about how I used to be able to run and now, I just… can’t… Only it makes less sense to my brain!

So I was getting frustrated and I even paused a few times to try to let my brain and mouth get on the same page. Then a girl and her boyfriend decided to start playing baseball right behind me and they were being super loud, even though they saw I was talking to a camera on a tripod it’s like they wanted me to go away so they could have the park to themselves. Usually I would not have gone away because I am stubborn but I just could not think as it was and then with them being all loud with the baseball, the bat, laughing, talking, I just cracked. So I packed up my stuff and walked away. I tried calling my friend because I just needed someone to talk to but he is working a graveyard shift now so he was asleep. I have so much I need to talk about, to let out, to vent, but I can’t, I have no one who is not online anymore. I appreciate all my “online” friends and would not be where I am today if it was not for them, but sometimes you just need a live body on the other end of the table you know? A friend who does not have MS, a friend who will try to understand, I have almost none of those and those whom I do have were not available.

So I will do what I always do, feel like crap for a bit and wait for it to blow over.

15 Responses to I Felt Really Down Today

  1. Joey says:

    Matt
    My partner and I are trying a local chapter of Nami meeting every week to learn techniques and mindfulness properties to use.

    Also National university of Ireland has a online Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy intervention programme at improving well-being in people with Multiple Sclerosis
    http://mia-ms.cloudaccess.net/join.htm

  2. Joey says:

    Still want to see video you were making… at least you had no grinders,air compressors, tractors, jackhammers, engines revving, foul mouth language, being threatened, or smokey burn piles being lit while making the video : )

  3. Anonymous says:

    sorry u had a tough time at the park, but I cant help but smile at your able to walk there. It's all about mindset my friend. just keep reminding yourself of that, it will help. You can always call me, even tho I have MS, I think I can help. Im here A LOT with nothing to do, so…

    sleekcartim

  4. Anonymous says:

    Matt I want you (also anyone else who wants to report) to be my guinea pig… Ive been taking 500 mg cinnamon (for reasons unrelated to MS) 2 times a day (one with my other pills just before bed). To my great surprise since ive been taking it for 2 weeks I sleep better & don't wake up several times to pee, AND the bad neuropathy in my left foot has reduced about 75 %! I need to know if im going crazy… cinnamon WTF?!

    sleekcartim

  5. Matt Allen G says:

    Yes, true, I was thinking about that just now, that I am lucky walking is even an option… I was just overwhelmed, I'll try to come back online tonight or tomorrow, we will see. Cinnamon huh? Im afraid there is no use in me trying as I sleep just fine finally and I have no issues AT THE MOMENT with neuropathy,

  6. Anonymous says:

    not long ago that was your only wish: to walk. Here in boston the bombing victims are very grateful, even happy to only loose their legs, feel very lucky to be alive. I think you can relate & learn from that tude. I googled cinnamon, helps in several ways, wont interact badly, is cheap, I say add it to ur pills. It supposedly helps with diabedies, which loves to mess with nerves. Im not diabetic tho. Im thinking cinnamon would be good to take for nerves (good for MS I would think).

    sleekcartim

  7. Anonymous says:

    P.S. Just another reminder to you matt & everyone to try MANY different treatments, remedies etc… until you find what works for YOU

    sleekcartim

  8. Matt Allen G says:

    Haha yes, I know, and yeah, I really dont take any pills now, just a few, because as you said, I found what works for me haha!

  9. Anonymous says:

    yes, you did fight your way thru that hellscape to find ur MS "cure". That's real bravery! There were many times I feared for your sanity my friend. I found that some ppl on MS society site are using cinnamon pills with good results. Apparently it fights inflammation, so I say take it anyways, cant hurt. It kills me to see so many ms ppl just going with whatever their doc sez, due to lack of energy, cog fog, or too sick to deal with being their own advocate. Cant be stated enough, You MUST be an experimenting SELF advocate, Matt, you are PROOF it works! I hope you are mentioning this on many of ur posts…

    sleekcartim

  10. Matt Allen G says:

    If I see it, and its cheap, I will try it, but no this month, pinching pennies!

  11. Anonymous says:

    Well if your feeling well enough… you know what im looking for… lol

    $leekcartim

  12. Matt Allen G says:

    haha not sure I am haha….

  13. Anonymous says:

    Has anyone tried B-12 tablets 5000mcg, fast dissolve mixed berry ty Natrol has done a lot of good for my neuropathies, much less stinging pains, less stabbing. It has not reduced muscle spasms or hug, but any relief that is natural is welcome to me. I take 1 per day now along with other meds baclofen, dilantin, and lopressor for hi blood pressure.

  14. I was taking liquid B-12 for a while but I forget how much…. Didn't help ME much :/

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