When to Call a Friendship Quits

 photo MSandFriends_zps684a0892.jpg 

The other day was highlighted by an interesting event… Ever hear of the “3 strikes your out” deal with friends? If your generous, you give a friend not just a second chance but a third and if they mess that chance up then they are out. Well I was a very generous friend and I gave more around 8 strikes? Give or take.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
-Mahatma Gandhi”

I do support forgiveness, do not get me wrong, but at some point, you just have to move on otherwise it will just keep damaging you. That is the case with an old friend of mine, we will call him, BILL. Bill and I were friends since 7th grade, we did everything together in fact, we pretty much grew up in the same house!  We liked the same things, we were both pretty smart when it came to unusual knowledge, we both road motorcycles, we liked mechanical type things, building stuff, etc. As we grew older he didn’t have much luck “with the ladies” where I typically did. He started dating really weird people but hey, I am not one to judge, I never was! What ever made him happy. Then he got into more of a committed relationship and her and I did not get along very well. He was not around as much while dating her but hey, that is normal, I am guilty of that as well. 

They finally broke up and then he met his next girlfriend who was… Weird… Everyone thought so in our circle of friends but again, what ever makes him happy! At first we got along OK (her and I) but eventually we hated each other’s guts. We had conflicting personalities, plus, she was crazy!

Around this time I was diagnosed with MS and they were a good support team, we didn’t hate each other yet so we all went on hikes and hung out. Time after time they got into fights and broke up. Bill asked me over and over and over again what he should do and I always told him “I don’t think it’s meant to be” and every time he ran back to her. After a while I had to tell him “If she is around I can’t hang out, I can’t handle the fighting and her arguing with everything I say, I just can’t”. After a while I tried hanging out with them again because I needed my friends but it was the same thing over and over. So again, I stopped coming around.

Then I had my major relapse that sent me to rehab. At this point Bill was nowhere to be found. All year he was gone, well, come to find out, they got married and she just joined the army. So that explains a lot.

The other day I was doing yard work, I was almost done, just about to head in, and then I heard it, the roar of that old engine, I looked and saw what I hoped not to see, an old Jeep Wagoneer with Bill sticking his head out the window. He asked what was going on, where have I been, he misses me… I wanted to give him the finger and walk away but I was rather curious as to what he could possibly have to say after all this time. Apparently he has been trying to get a hold of me (since we all know that is soooo hard). After some questioning I told him yeah, we could get lunch, just text me. After I figured out how he figured out where I live, I layed it all down. No more chances, I get that his now wife is gone and he is lonely and bored but where was he when I was in rehab? When I was struggling to get back on my feet? When I needed help time after time? He found out where I live and just showed up, so you mean to tell me he couldn’t find out what hospital I was in for 2 months when I posted it on my blog that he has apparently been reading?

So, we were now texting, I figured out all that I was curious about so now it was time for some brutal honesty. I wanted to say so much but after talking with my voice of reason about it, I decided to go easy and basically leave it at “I am happy with my life where it is and where it is going and I have no intentions of changing that”.  If it was not for her calming me down about it, things would have been much more ugly, but ultimately who would that hurt more? Me… Stress = Bad.

Social life with Multiple Sclerosis can be so hard, you learn who your true friends are, you see their true colors, you find out if someone really loves you or simply loves who you were. A lot of people “can’t handle” dealing with our MS and at first that depressed me, that is why I gave him so many chances, but now? I am happy where I am, I don’t want fake friends, I would rather have a couple true friends than a million fake friends any day. I am patient, I have no intentions on rushing to fill those gaps, they fill with time and patients. I am in no rush, I am finally achieving happiness and I am not going to let people walk all over me or be there for me when they need something, no, not anymore. I want quality over quantity, I want to be around people who care about me as much as I care about them, I want only REAL, that is all I will ever settle for now, real.

6 Responses to When to Call a Friendship Quits

  1. so.true.
    Thanks, Matt
    -Kai

  2. ggruiz11 says:

    I've been going through something like this as well. My "best friend" had nothing to say when I let her know that I might have MS. This was back in Nov. of last year and things were already weird between us and now that I just got diagnosed this past Wednesday, I don't know what to do. I want to tell her but I think she's just going to think I want a pity party.

    I really liked your post… 😀

  3. Matt Allen G says:

    Well, I am no expert, mu me personally? I would tell her and if she reacts that way maybe say "well I guess you are not the friend i thought you were" but again, I am no expert haha

  4. Maria says:

    Sorry to hear about your friend. My son is 17 years old. He shut out all his friends. He told me it was because they do not understand hes not the same. Girls, well they are still there but he was to see them when hes strong enough and able to feel her hand. Its hard to see him go through this.

  5. Matt Allen G says:

    It really is sad, I mean, I can't talk, but that sounds a bit extreme but it's hard. does he have a FB? He can join my private ms group, lots of people aged 14-40 guys and gals, all who can relate, might help?

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