I Tried To Dump My Stress

http://www.mattsms.com

So
yeah, all this health falling apart crap has been pretty stressful,
it was literally destroying my body. So I had to get out, I had to
breath as I felt as though I was suffocating. I got a ride to my
friend’s house and stayed down there for the week. It was interesting
in the wheelchair, I am so used to being “disabled” around MY
house where I know where all the bumps are in the floor you know?
At
first we saw the movie “flight” and it was pretty good, not what
I was expecting, but good. I remember waiting at a table for my buddy
to return from the restroom. I was chill, calm, what ever, had my
feet up on a chair, just relaxing. Then an elderly woman approached
me…
     “Are
you OK?” She asked.
     “Yes?..”
I replied unsure of what she was getting at.
     “Are
you sure?”
     “Yes…”
I replied looking for a severed limb or even blood. Nothing.
     “OK…”

She
took a few steps away and then just watched me for a bit. Then I got
it… a guy in a wheel chair all alone, something must be
wrong, perhaps he is lost? Got separated from his care taker? I was
kind of mad, if I was not in that wheelchair but clearly stressed or
emotional, she would have most likely kept walking. Wheel chair? Well
he can not take care of himself, clearly. Part of me wishes
when she said:
     “Are
you OK?”
that
I would have said:
     “Do
I LOOK OK? I am stuck in a freekin’ wheelchair!”
Haha
but that would be mean, funny, but wrong…
The
next day my vision and balance went… I forget what the doctor
called it, “Occip-” something or other… Vision is shaking but
not my eye muscles, it is all in the brain and has something to do
with the spinal cord… I still have to look into it…
The
next day we chilled, went and sat in “the Village” for a while
(downtown Claremont, CA) and it was nice to be there for the first
time in over a year but, I grew depressed. Last time I was there I
could walk around town, go in shops, and now? I am in a wheelchair
feeling sick from this vertigo-like vision issue. I try to not think
about my past but I have so many memories there…
“The sun is setting, orange sky, blue streaks of sky peaked through the clouds, there is a cool breeze, and above head in the trees I can hear the sound of small birds chasing each other around in courtship. I sit on a cement bench and smell the water from the nearby fountains. It reminds me of Disneyland, that smell, Pirates of the Caribbean. I don’t recall so much plant life in the planters nor the mulch. The black umbrellas are new as well as some of the chairs. Not many people are out and about for such a night in the Village but enough to maintain a faint murmur of voices. Enough to fill the environment with life.”
After
this I slept for like a day or two, I was so dizzy that I could not
get up. It was dangerous getting out of bed to change TV volume!
Bathroom? Man that was an endeavor to say the least… I did it
though, I got out, and felt a TAD independent… Kind of… I
got a ride home Thursday night meaning I missed a speaking event in
Riverside with Dr. Bailey Thursday morning, many of my MS friends
from Facebook were there, I am so disappointed I did not make it back
in time!

2 Responses to I Tried To Dump My Stress

  1. Anonymous says:

    when you find urself getting depressed over what use to be, remind yourself to live in the moment, in the here & now, thats what matters most. appreciate what you have now. You had a good day out. You will have many more 😉 you are not alone. I firmly believe there is always a way around every problem, if not there is always another way to percieve the problem to suit your happiness (create your own reality). I consider it a challenge, just another mountain to climb.

    sleekcartim

  2. Matt Allen G says:

    wo wo wo, lol i will have BETTER days out, MANY more! All in due time! :^p But yes i know, u r right!

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