Actually, I am loosing my mind over lots of things! I am so sick of being inside, being in this room! I have not REALLY got outside in half a year, I need out! I need my legs back!
What is really getting to me is that I feel stuck in every aspect of my life. I do not have a car and I run out of energy by time my parents get home. So, I am stuck at home. I want to take a class at the community college but like I said, no ride… Stuck at home. I don’t have my own car anymore so even though I know I can drive at this point, I don’t have a car to drive, and I make so little money with SSI that I doubt I could save enough to buy my own car. I hate this, I am stuck.
If I want to run a quick errand I can’t anymore, I have to wait like a week before my parents have time to take me. I have very little independence for a 22 year old, a lot since my first hospital stay, but now that I am doing so much better it is hard to not want more. I feel like I am in hi-school again, always asking for a ride, but I can not even walk anymore, so don’t even have that. Stupid spasticity… I look at myself in the mirror and I look fine, I feel like I should be able to run but I can’t, I am stuck in this body that is not mine.
So I am trying not to stress but I am loosing my mind in this room, I need to get out on my own. I miss driving to see my friend, walking around downtown, eating out, can’t remember the last time I had that. I need my independence back already. Not the ideal financial situation but better… Still feel stuck. No car, never enough money, health sucks, can’t get a job, not sure about school, I want a normal life. Anyways…