OK, I am obviously not doing to well mentally. This is for a million reasons but really, what it boils down to, is I need a brake. My life is 95% MS saturated. I have talked about it before but I need to stop talking and start DOING. I don’t know how or what I will do I just know that yes, I want to and will stay dedicated to MS but I need ME TIME, a time and place I can go to in order to try to “escape” and “forget” about MS because it is running wild in my head, driving me nuts, and destroying my health. I need some time away from the blog, Facebook, the group, everything so that I can just think and really figure out what the hell I need to do with my life, to GIVE myself a life. How I am existing right now is no way to live and I am not doing anything to move forward. Something. lots of things, need to change. I never wanted MS to become my identity and look at me, it has, and I need to fix that, I need to be Matt again. So, I’ll return shortly.
What is really hard about life with MS for me is simply dealing with LIFE and all the problems that come with it ON TOP of MS because MS does not care that life get’s rough. So often, what makes me brake down is mot the pain, not that I have a hard time walking, using my hands, thinking, seeing, no, it’s the things I would have to deal with whether or not I had MS or ANY disease for that matter.
I don’t usually post more than once in a day but I guess I just have a lot on my mind. I was going to try to get by just posting about my symptoms today but I realize now that THAT is not going to suffice. You want to really know how I am doing? Well, let’s put it this way, sometimes symptoms are the least of my worries. Sometimes neuropathic pain is lost among the shadows of my other pains in life.
Today just started off bad. Apparently 8.5 hours of sleep is too much because I have learned that if I get too much sleep my symptoms flare up and today that is just what they did. This morning I woke up to pins and needles in both my arms from the elbows down to my fingertips. It feels so horrible! I hate waking up to this! Kept waking up all night as well so today I just woke up feeling like garbage.