Second Hospital Trip With MS in 2012

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Well, yup… Yup… Already went back to the hospital. Half a year has just about passed and I didn’t even realize it because it’s just been so rough. My life was ripped from me this year and I have been struggling to find my way since January. I instead found my way back into the hospital but this time for just a few days and this time I am actually glad I went for several reasons (which I will get to shortly). Before you read on I should note that I am in fact back home already haha so no worries…

So what put me back in the hospital? Not sure… Maybe the heat? Stress? I really am not sure but they said if it looked like I was having any issues with bladder function in particular to come in and I thought I might have been so that’s what I did, I went into the ER… 12 hours later they admitted me to the hospital “just in case”.

They wanted to do some tests to check for an infection, do a course of Solu-Medrol (steroids), and antibiotics. I was just glad for the IV steroids, just what I felt I needed even though all the “professionals” disagreed with me. Funny, I came into the hospital in a wheelchair and left 3 days later on my own two feet, something months of rehab could not do but two and a half days of steroids could, I… Told you so?.. Man I am not even a doctor…

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No infection by the way, false alarm, was just having a flair up…

Am still glad I went in because I met an awesome friend… Will not name this person for now. But this person changed my life completely around just after 2 days. I know it sounds crazy but sometimes things just hit you like that you know? I have never since my DX been treated like a person rather than a patient, it was an odd feeling, I am so used to being dehumanized… “Matt the MS Patient”. It made me think all night about all I have been through and all that is still to come. I now know I have to handle everything in life differently.

People are people first and patients second… “Patient” should not be part of anyone’s identity, that doesn’t feel good… So I felt wonderful getting to talk to someone my age who was so smart and caring, who saw me as a person first, it made everything worth it, so glad I went into the hospital lol!

There is so much I want and need to say but I have to wait. Bottom line, I feel like the luckiest guy on Earth just for being allowed to meet this person and speak with this individual. I didn’t think there was anyone like that left in this world and now I know, I was wrong and I have never been so happy to be wrong!

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I am starting to feel like I own this MS BS again whereas a few days ago I felt consumed by MS, owned by it.

My sense of faith in people has been somewhat restored and I have such a new outlook on, well, everything, but especially my MS. I am motivated, I’m pumped! I’m ready for round two! I was loosing it this year, I really was, and now I feel charged and ready to go! I want to do great things and I will!

OK, can’t get into this too much either, but I was sharing a room with one other patient. We were separated by nothing but a small curtain so of course I overheard some stuff. Now I knew he was quadriplegic, he was an older male, and he couldn’t do anything, he even had a breathing tube… Come to find out… He had/has MS… That did a number on me. Here I was complaining about my MS and this guy could not even itch his own face…

I can not possibly even try to begin to explain what I felt like. I couldn’t help but picture myself in his position… I was so depressed especially after realizing how poorly he was being treated. He was just being left there despite his calls for help, no one wanted to come, and there was not much I could do. At one point I tried to help with his remote but I was so blind that I couldn’t even see it, I was so angry at myself. Luckily who I think was his sister showed up and she took over but I was so mad at the staff because everyone was ignoring him. I wish I could go back and do things differently and try to help him more, I should have done more…

So between this new friend of mine and this man with MS I have learned so much and will continue to learn from this experience that may have only lasted a few days but was so saturated with content that I feel I got more from this visit than my 2 month stay… If I still get into healthcare as a career I will go about it so differently now and my coworkers will probably hate me because I can’t, I won’t, be part of their frivolous games, the patient comes first, and that means taking care of them and making them feel like a person… Who cares if it’s hard or stressful??? That is a healthcare professional’s job! Don’t sign up for it if you can’t handle it!

OK hold on, I need to chill out… I get so worked up over this stuff…

OK, so I feel way better, not even 75% of where I want to be but way better. The attitude thing alone is helping me so much. I’ll be on Prednisone for about a week and I’ll start exercising again in the next couple of days so between that and the IV steroids still kicking in I should see some more improvement this week! Time to get back on top and own this sucker! By the end of the year I want to be able to hide that I have MS again, not that I will hide it, not that I am ashamed, I just want to be back in control and not stick out in a crowd. I want to be back in tip top shape haha… I need to gain some weight by the way, have lost so much… 🙁 ANYways, hopefully I can find a good treatment in the next 6 months but I think I mentioned before, that will come up later!

Either way I do not want this to become my identity, this is part of me, this is not me.

So we will see what the tides of time wash in, just got to be patient. This year started off horribly but I learned from it all and I will end this year on good terms. Like I said, I’m ready to do this now!

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5 Responses to Second Hospital Trip With MS in 2012

  1. Anonymous says:

    matt i was a caregiver so i know how they work they do least possible work if they can the call button they dont hear because they are to busy talking at the station .i wipe peoples butt for a living and i loved my job because i always said i might need help one day . god put you in there for a reason and look at all the signs he has given you .you first have to help your self before you can help others and your doing that now .just know god is listening to you and he will make it happen .love ya april

  2. Matt Allen G says:

    I am too impatient, can't just sit around haha…. It so hard to not try to help out somehow……

  3. Rosie PL says:

    Matt, that was such a wonderful read, thank-you for sharing and stay Positive!! 😀 xx

  4. Matt Allen G says:

    Haha wish I could have written more in more detail but it's still rather hard to type but I got the main points across haha thanks for reading!

  5. Anonymous says:

    I really like the last photo. "so heavenly" lol. and your glasses! 😛
    well it made me happy to read this! i hope this shines to light on a bright future. you got all that weight off your shoulders (depression) and now, this is a new mile in your life. i hope that soon you will be able to get that stem cell treatment!!! i don't really know what else to say though, i have never had MS, so i wish i could say i understood your symptoms :/ kinda makes me really sad to read through all these posts. it breaks my heart! you really seem like a strong guy though, and i envy you for that Matthew!

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