Well right now I am re-relapsing, never even got over the first one that landed me in the hospital and already I am flaring up again. I can no longer walk as my balance is just horrible, I can’t tell where I am in time and space and I have horrible vertigo. I am growing a tad weak as well so I am back in the wheelchair, YAY… Fine motor skills are gone so once again I am typing with one finger in each hand like a child, wait, children can type faster than this. Losing my vision again as well as sensation in my lower and upper extremities. Sometimes I am numb and sometimes I am in pain, sometimes both. Oh yeah my favorite, I am slurring my speech again. So if you catch me trying to walk and talk you would probably think I was drunk since I can take maybe three steps before falling AND I simply SOUND drunk…
So that is partially why I have not been on top of my game as far as the blog is concerned. Well… That just covers the last few days… I just have not been doing well since the hospital. I’ve had my ups and downs as MS always permits but they have been 1 million times more dramatic. This is probably mostly a result of me not being on my antidepressants and any of my other medications for about a month, not supposed to go cold turkey on that kind of stuff… I can feel how it has messed with me. Starting everything back up and I am hoping it will change my mood immensely. I will have more on that in one of the next few posts.
But I have been majorly depressed for a while now, been experiencing crazy mood swings, contemplating many concepts of life, meaning, purpose, everything, it has ALL been on my mind. It has not been fun, I have not been myself… It’s been getting worse and I’m definitely thinking about therapy just to see how it feels. I cannot function this way… I can’t write, I have no friends, I have no hobbies, no means of income, no job, no sense of accomplishment, no significant other, no health, nothing, I am falling apart. I am hoping this will turn around in the next few weeks but again, I will talk about that in a different post.
For now I just want everyone to know that I am okay but I may be rather slow over the next couple of weeks so bare with me, I am human just the same as anyone else, and this is all very new to me.
I do not know what to do.
So give me time and we will see what happens next… Thanks!