I Have So Much on My Mind


I really do not know how to express all that has built up inside of me, especially since I can not type my thoughts out as fast as I can think them like I could before. So many mixed emotions right now, I just… I am at a loss for words.

“Enduring pain to do some good for someone you care about, isn’t that life?”

That line got me good. It really did. It will forever support the fact that I know I can not give up on this life, there is too much I want to do, and too many people I want to help. I may not know the divine reasoning of my purpose on this Earth but I do know what I have to do. I know.

Thinking about that line and that man I shared a room with in the hospital this past week, it just… I have no room to complain, I have so much opportunity in this life, it took a lot for me to finally see it but I do and I can’t waste my life. I mean that in multiple ways like, sure, I want to make a difference in the world but I mean it on a personal level too. I want to enjoy my life, spend it with another person, and make them happy like they make me. I didn’t think that was possible but I am starting to realize that not all people are the same, there is still some good out there. I want to be better for other’s and I want to be better for me. I am going to have an awesome life, nothing will take that from me, nothing.

I need to stop looking at how much time I have to loose in life and start seeing how much time I actually have because every second is worth so much. My life turned completely around just after a few days, people can see the change in me, I am still learning from all this but man did my direction change, my mentality. If all this can happen in just a few days what can happen in a few months or years?

Ironically, over the course of my endeavors to not take things for granted, I took time itself for granted.

I have been through a lot in my short life and yes I have made mistakes but I would not take a single one back. I have learned so much and I still am. Every time I experience a negative in my life I get the opportunity to produce a positive, I have met so many wonderful people and that will never end so long as I keep up the fight! Sure the pain sucks from time to time but it has all been worth it because I have not only experienced bad things that most people never will experience but because of that I have experienced good things that most people never will.

I guess I am just trying to say, I am grateful. Thank you all.

This song is about Rob Thomas’s wife who has Lupus, “An autoimmune inflammatory disease of the connective tissues, occurring mainly among middle-aged women, chiefly characterized by skin eruptions, joint pain, recurrent pleurisy, and kidney disease”

9 thoughts on “I Have So Much on My Mind

  • May 22, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    well done sweetie xxxxxxxxxxx

  • May 23, 2012 at 1:49 am

    Love that song. I had no idea what it was about. Thanks Matt. And I'm glad your outlook on life has changed. There is a saying that when life throws you lemons, make lemonade. I prefer to add tequilla and salt. LOL Keep up to great work you're doing mate.

  • May 23, 2012 at 2:29 am


    I know people get turned off when you write about Jesus. Couldn't possibly know why. Most of the good people you write about know Jesus in a very personal way. He is the gateway to knowing God. Ask Jesus to control your life and live with you. No life compares to the life lived with him. NOTHING can touch you if you live your life with him. Then you truly have something to give to others.

  • May 23, 2012 at 3:41 am

    That song like REALLY got me when I first hear it a hile back and now after all I have been through I can relate so much more.

    And yes, if there are two ways to end a conversation it would be with religion or politics so I avoid the two, got to respect all the different beliefs you know?

  • May 23, 2012 at 5:44 am

    I have never heard that song before and I'm glad you posted the video. His words and video touched my heart.

    Now, I just have to say something about your powerful words and the impact they had on me.

    Although you wanted to say more, what you DID say, was what I needed to hear, right at this time.

    Actually, I'm having trouble finding the words I want to say. You gave me a messages, I want to ponder on. To have your life change direction in the way you described, is a gift for sure.

    Sharing your vision for your life as you go forward, really inspired me. I need to look at what I CAN do and stop focusing on what I can't do.

    I'm glad you met someone that touched you so profoundly and also the man in your room who taught you another lesson in life. I felt your compassion for him, through your words and also reading between your lines.

    Going into hospital in a wheel chair and then walking out a couple of days later…….WOW, that is so amazing isn't it!!!

    I always thought of myself as a person, who didn't want to take anything for granted….BUT this is the first time that I too was probably taking "time" for granted.

    Thanks Matt, for giving me a new way to look at our precious life.


  • May 23, 2012 at 6:52 am

    That's what is good about a hospital if you have an open mind, you have lots o time to think and there is lots to see and think about. I still have much thinking to do on all this.

  • May 23, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Saw an interview of a man who had a near death experience. he said: "Life is not so much about me now, it's about helping others, i dont want to ever miss a chance to be someones guardian angel, cuz you dont know how many chances you will get". The word grateful is extremely powerful. when you feel bad remember that word. get a bracelet, tattoo, mirror, t shirt, stained glass window….. with that word on it. 2 of my friends committed suicide long ago, these are the lessons they left me with.

    1 LIFE

  • May 23, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Man, it's almost time for a tattoo because that is just…. I don't even know!


Leave a Reply