I really do not know how to express all that has built up inside of me, especially since I can not type my thoughts out as fast as I can think them like I could before. So many mixed emotions right now, I just… I am at a loss for words.
“Enduring pain to do some good for someone you care about, isn’t that life?”
That line got me good. It really did. It will forever support the fact that I know I can not give up on this life, there is too much I want to do, and too many people I want to help. I may not know the divine reasoning of my purpose on this Earth but I do know what I have to do. I know.
Thinking about that line and that man I shared a room with in the hospital this past week, it just… I have no room to complain, I have so much opportunity in this life, it took a lot for me to finally see it but I do and I can’t waste my life. I mean that in multiple ways like, sure, I want to make a difference in the world but I mean it on a personal level too. I want to enjoy my life, spend it with another person, and make them happy like they make me. I didn’t think that was possible but I am starting to realize that not all people are the same, there is still some good out there. I want to be better for other’s and I want to be better for me. I am going to have an awesome life, nothing will take that from me, nothing.
I need to stop looking at how much time I have to loose in life and start seeing how much time I actually have because every second is worth so much. My life turned completely around just after a few days, people can see the change in me, I am still learning from all this but man did my direction change, my mentality. If all this can happen in just a few days what can happen in a few months or years?
Ironically, over the course of my endeavors to not take things for granted, I took time itself for granted.
I have been through a lot in my short life and yes I have made mistakes but I would not take a single one back. I have learned so much and I still am. Every time I experience a negative in my life I get the opportunity to produce a positive, I have met so many wonderful people and that will never end so long as I keep up the fight! Sure the pain sucks from time to time but it has all been worth it because I have not only experienced bad things that most people never will experience but because of that I have experienced good things that most people never will.
I guess I am just trying to say, I am grateful. Thank you all.
This song is about Rob Thomas’s wife who has Lupus, “An autoimmune inflammatory disease of the connective tissues, occurring mainly among middle-aged women, chiefly characterized by skin eruptions, joint pain, recurrent pleurisy, and kidney disease”