Today has been one hell of a day so let me continue with the writing… Where did I leave off? Oh yeah… The popping of the pills, Norco, like Vicodin but stronger, less Tylenol and more Codeine.
I am not proud of it just being honest. We can all brake, we all bleed. Sometimes I feel like so many look up to me and I don’t understand why. I am more flawed than most, as you can see, I am just a man. I have no magic cure for MS, I fall, I have physical pain, I am an emotional wreck, and yet, people still look up to me.
Right now I am a total mess inside and out but I do understand that I have a responsibility in life and I am not fulfilling that responsibility 120%… What am I to do? I don’t know but because I know I can do more it becomes an obligation to at least myself so I will do more. I have to.
I can’t thank my awesome MS Friends enough for understanding and contributing. I want to reach $200 to be safe and I would like to see that Dr. in Palm Springs about a lower dose of LDN because I would still like to give it a shot but the 4.5mg I had just expired…
Anyways. I have so much to think about but I need a brake for sure, so when ever I leave I’ll let everyone know I am taking off for a few days because I will not be responding to emails and messages.
So I hope tonight is not as stressful, I have been taking Clonazepam to help with my nervous brake down, it seems to be helping a bit. No more Norcos for me. I took 1mg of Clonazepam and started my vitamins back up today. I really need my Citalopram refilled because that one really messes me up when I go cold turkey… I’ll bug my neuro tomorrow, this is ridiculous.
I think what I need to realize is that my life is not over and it is not all about MS. I’ll try to take some photos while I am out but it’s not the same since I lost a good amount of my hands and vision… I’ll try.
I do want to figure out how I can expand my MS community and get people more involved with each other, so that is something I will look into for sure. What is missing that I can provide? There has to be something. How will I ever sustain a career when this is my main concern in life now?
I know I need to write that book and maybe start sharing my recent hospital visit here on my blog? Maybe I’ll start writing that on my mini brake haha. I have so much on my mind…
Breathe, breathe, breathe is what I must do.
Thank you all for your help!