Progress – Still Learning My Ever Changing Limits…

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Well I had mentioned in the group the other day how I missed bowling and everyone said I should go so today I did. My friend took me down for the purpose of hanging out and having some fun so I appreciate that however, I kind of had an emotional moment. Today I realized that trying to bowl is now pushing my limits… I have bowled several times since I was diagnosed and sure I may not have been as good as I used to be but I was still OK at it and I didn’t feel like I was pushing myself too far. This time I sucked at it compared to how I used to bowl and after just 2 games I was exhausted and in pain. My fingers, my forearms, my elbows, and my shoulders. Even my legs got a few shooting pains here and there. I took a Norco a while ago but it’s not doing anything.

At first I was worried about my balance but it actually was not an issue at all but what was an issue was my strength and coordination. The ball felt so heavy! Even when I switched to an 11 pound house ball (which I remember using in the past to see how fast I could launch the ball down the lane just for the heck of it) I felt like I was lifting weights and needed a spotter! Towards the end of my last game it was getting to the point where my wrist was just collapsing at random under the weight… I was so frustrated especially because we were right next to a lane full of older guys who knew what they were doing and it sucks because I know that in my prime I could have beat them all but now I could barely hit 100, it was embarrassing…

So I started feeling depressed… I can no longer do something that I used to be really good at. I don’t have the fine motor skills to spin the ball just right to make it do what I wanted it to do. But as I was thinking about “poor me” I saw a guy roll by in a wheel chair, his legs were crippled, but he was still doing his thing and I have to realize that though I may not be as good as I used to be I could still go bowling. I can stand and throw a ball and get a score that most “non-bowlers” would be happy to get so I should be glad that I can even do that. It’s just frustrating when you can’t do something you used to be able to do all the time, your watching yourself mess up when in your head your thinking “but I used to be able to do this no problem”.

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I am sure if I practiced at it enough I could get better and once I get on some kind of treatment maybe my limit won’t be so sensitive. Who knows? I just had one of those moment you know? But now that I have really thought about it I am ready to take in a deep breath and resume my day and take care of business. I just hope this pain clears up a bit, might have to take a cold bath or something, not fun, but some people feel that it helps, I do, it has helped me in the past. UGH forgot to mention, my right arm has been tremoring this whole time as well, not fun! I’ll be OK though, I’ll be just fine, no room for complaining!

12 Responses to Progress – Still Learning My Ever Changing Limits…

  1. linda barry mac manus says:

    awww Matt sorry u feeling a little low… i have also felt this sort of pain too.. i had to give my job up as a Florist.. it was my passion.. but i just found it all too exhausting and my hands felt so weak etc.. lets hope tomorrow is a better day!! On a positive note u might find something Knew to do instead that u wouldnt have thought of doing prior to MS… I paint now!! havent in a while though coz im too busy doing other things..
    hugs
    Linda B Mac Manus

  2. Matt Allen G says:

    I know you paint, you were supposed to paint several painting since I met you! I want you to tell me something you want a picture of to frame and put on your wall and I am going to send that to you in exchange for a painting haha DO IT!

    But yeah, I am just going to stay focused on my photography and writing, I still have so much room to expand/grow with those things, I don't need bowling anymore.

  3. sleekcartim says:

    Im sorry you had to deal with that realization. Im upset thinking of our familiar pain, it's ok to mourn that, even cry over it, your only human (never mind the macho BS). just like i had my moment last week… after forgetting so much. your a young hot blooded latino, so i fully expect you will plow your way through, after your moment. It's your strength, use it. are you on antidepressant? just heard somewhere it helps protect brain cells.

  4. LaLeshia says:

    Right on Matt!!! So glad you went put there and gave it a shot…see you never Really know what your capable of until you try, granted it may not be what it used to be, but fun none the less! :^) So proud and glad for you! I'm not giving up on cliff jumping our rock climbing either, just gotta figure out what my limitations are and go for it just like you did! Can't wait till summer comes and I'll tell ya all about it!!!

  5. Matt Allen G says:

    Haha hey hey hey, I'm 1/4 Russian and 1/4 Irish as well lets not forget that! But yeah, I had my moment and I'm good now. Oh and yes I have been on antidepressants since hi-school.

    And thanks LaLeshia! I'll continue to do what I can but maybe not bowl as often IDK, we will see

  6. sleekcartim says:

    you say that like those nationalities arnt hot blooded LOL. No matter what happens, you will be ok. remember that, cuz it's true. P.S. if bowling is really important to you, ill support focussing ur anger / angst to MAKE it happen, for as long as you can! thats what we can do as a community! it's a powerful thing! I know 1st hand when an AIDS buddy & volunteer in gay community.

  7. Matt Allen G says:

    Im not that serious about bowling anymore, we used to all go after work when I worked at Longs Drugstore and a few of us were pretty good but that was a long long time ago, so I am fine letting it go. :^b

  8. sleekcartim says:

    yeah, choose your battles well.

  9. MS Cherokee says:

    Matt, it seems like every time I start feeling a little low or missing the person I used to be, I am given a reminder that things could be so much worse – it's strange how that happens but it makes me pull out of it too. I used to pester my husband to go bowling with me and he never would because he didn't enjoy it. In retrospect, it's probably a good thing we didn't go. With these hands, I'd probably drop the bowling ball on my foot. šŸ˜‰

    I am quite stubborn and never give up, I just evolve. I'll end with this because it always makes me laugh. I am a mix of German, Irish, Cherokee and another NA tribe. My ex and I watched one of the Rambo movies and there was a part where Rambo is described as being German, Irish and Native American. My ex looked at me and said, "That explains a lot". LMAO

  10. Matt Allen G says:

    LOL! That is too funny! But yes I had my reminder that is sticking with me and as Sleekcartim said, you have to pick and choose your battles and though I am stubborn as well, I just don't want to pick a fight here, I have other things in life that need my energy!

  11. JAX says:

    Wow Matt, that's some mix..I feel boring just being fully Scottish! Tsk! Xxx

  12. Matt Allen G says:

    lol NONE of us are boring haha not with MS!

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