As indicated with my last few Symptom Logs, I am flaring up a bit and it’s getting worse. The numbness on the left side of my head is spreading towards my face and down my neck, across my chest and shoulder only to skip my arm and reappear in my left hand. My left arm does feel a tad weak though… Anyways on top of that I am having issues telling where exactly my left hand is in time and space, well, mostly space. I was trying to clap my hands together above my head and I couldn’t do it, they kept missing. If I am looking at them then I can kind of use visual aid to move my hand in the right spot but if I’m not watching where my hand is I miss everything, the light switch, the glass on the counter, my pocket, everything.
This all started yesterday and it put me in a really bad mood. I was frustrated so I grew irritable. Then I made a stop at Walgreens… I used to work at Longs Drugstore and CVS Pharmacy, both drugstores, and walking into Walgreens made me miss working in that kind of little store. I started trying to stack some 12 packs of soda properly and “face” (pull forward) all the 2-litters while my friend was looking through a stack of calendars. My arms felt too weak for the stupid 12 packs and with my depth perception and weird hand location thing I kept missing the slots for the 2 liters. I grew extremely frustrated and then extremely depressed because I could not complete a simple tasks… I want to work so bad…. How the heck am I supposed to work if I can’t face a few bottles of soda???
Today I have spent all morning researching doctors and trying to call my insurance to set up a new PCP but apparently everyone at Loma Linda is not accepting new patients even though on their main websites and profiles it says they are. So that kind of frustrated me to. Taking a break from that… I want to see a doctor NOW so I can start a new treatment and get this under control, I want to work so bad! I am so sick of having just $1 in the bank! I need to renew my domain name for my main photography site which I want to rebuild, it’s just $10, and I am sitting here trying to come up with a plan to raise just $10. It’s pathetic! It’s like I’m in high school again! I hate asking for money, I want to be able to pay for tiny little things like that on my own!
Ugh… Well, just got to be patient. “All good things to those who wait”. In the meantime I am working on introducing a little bit of Zen into my life. I have a bookshelf under my window and it’s rather wide, or long I guess would be the proper form of measurement. Anyways, I am setting up a little fountain, some plants, candles, rocks from Forest Falls (The most peaceful place I have ever been and where I want to move for a while, it’s up in the mountains near Big Bear), and soon I’ll add a few more things that I feel bring peace and positive energy into my life so I can have a place to take care of and enjoy when I am stressing out. I do love it, it feels good, just these few simple things. I eventually want a fish and more plants, it will be lovely! Do YOU have some kind of Zen spot in your home?
Anyways, I’ll leave it at that! Take care!