So far I’m off to a decent start today, I slept well, the air is cool, and my joints no longer hurt as bad as they did for the last few days. I don’t have much of an appetite which could be a result of me tapering off of my antidepressants. All I had for breakfast was a banana and at 1 PM I am barely making lunch. There is nothing I hate more than knowing I’m starting but having no appetite whatsoever… Forcing myself to shove food down my throat to keep myself alive is hardly appealing to someone who usually loves to eat… Aside from that though, I’m feeling okay today.
I am still a little stressed but I have been doing my best to calm my nerves. I recently rediscovered the benefits of headphones jammed into my ears blaring music at the highest of volumes. I am slowly building different playlist on my phone for different moods as music has always been very important to me but I have been slowly losing touch with my musical side as I have grown older as most people do. Yesterday I managed to fall a sleep on the couch in my own little world of music and darkness. You see my problem when it comes to stress is my environment and I figure the next best thing from physically escaping my environment (which I cannot do) is to prevent my environment from getting to me, literally. My headphones allow me to eliminate the sound of my surroundings and simply placing my hat or a blindfold over my eyes allows me to get lost in the sounds of my music as my consciousness slips away into the darkness.
This may not work for everyone but it seems to be working for me especially now that my room is at a decent temperature. This of course does not eliminate all my daily stressors but it seems to be taking the edge off. Of course once I start school I will be out of the house for about six or seven hours out of the day if I get the classes I want a course. Part of me dreads this but it may be good to get out of the house for a good amount of time and surround myself in a quiet environment with people my age hopefully with similar interests. It’s time for me to make some new friends and if this doesn’t do it I don’t know what will.
Still no word from my doctor about my medication but somehow I managed to sleep last night and my body does not ache as bad as it has been so I’m not too worried at the moment, tomorrow however, is another day and also the day I will run out of melatonin… After that it’s Tylenol PM until I get a new medication or at least a refill on the old stuff…
At this point I’m just trying to take it one day at a time… Well, I guess I was already doing that, so actually, I’m just trying to take it one hour at a time and eliminate one little issue at a time to hopefully chisel away at the bigger issues at hand slowly but surely. I know I have been rather negative lately but it would be irrational of me to think that things will not get better. Life is not static, life is dynamic, things will change and eventually lead to something new and hopefully better.