Progress Update: Prelude in C Major

MS Multiple Sclerosis Music Piano

So I can finally drive again! I got car insurance so I can finally drive my Dad’s Mustang, feels good to drive, to be able to get out and not worry about dying of exhaustion on the way to my destination! To celebrate (and take a brake from the stress of life) I decided to go hang out with my fiend Rodney. I actually ended up spending the night because I just needed to get out and hang out you know? First day was awesome, I felt normal again: I could drive, I had money, I could go out, it was good for me. Second day was not so great.

I woke up with a killer pain in my right leg behind my shin. I am sure this was NOT MS related but it contributed to my crappy mood. The pain felt like I pulled a muscle so I don’t know what I was doing in my sleep but it sure did hurt! The muscle was so tense that even lifting my toes hurt! Walking was not fun at all… I now had a horrible limp that I tried to hide but the more I hid it the more it hurt. Where my day crashed for me was when we went down to the mall to check out the music shop we always go to. First we went to the classical guitar section and played a litle in there although I couldn’t do much with my hand. Just some basic, slow chords that require careful finger placement before I could let my right hand have some fun.

I was never all that great at guitar anyways so my next stop was the piano section, my favorite spot. Even with my bad hand I had been able to play pretty well not too long ago. The last time I played a piano was probably two months ago or so? Well anyways, last time I was in this shop I was playing well enough to receive a compliment or two. Yesterday however… I could not play at all. This was so upsetting… I knew where the notes were and I knew where the keys were but only in my head. When it came to my fingers knowing where to go they were useless… Tripping over each other, tremoring, skipping notes, missing notes: I couldn’t make them do what I wanted them to do. I could not play nice music.

That’s what’s funny about playing music. When you have MS sometimes a symptom can slowly get worse without you even noticing because it is somewhat of an “invisible symptom”. It’s hard to tell just how bad my fine motor skills are on a daily basis but the piano is like an MS symptom translator… By trying to play the piano I could actually HEAR the progress of my hand… By comparing how I was able to play before I had MS to how I was able to play a few months ago to how I was playing yesterday I could HEAR that I was getting worse… Between this and my limp I felt disabled again and this depressed me… This ruined my day…

When I got home I ate because I knew I had to but once i had finished I simply went to bed… Just wanted the day to be over. This morning I overslept but luckily avoided a headache somehow… I feel like crap though… I’m at Starbucks right now and a year ago I would have ordered as much cafein as possible but I can’t do that now… So I’m not sure how I’m going to “wake up”. I had an apple this morning and now a fruit smoothie so between the two I’m hoping I can get myself going.

I don’t feel as depressed today but if I don’t find something productive to do that might not be the case in a few hours. Today I think I need to map out my educational and financial plans so that I can set a course for success. My life feels like a game of chess right now, I have to make every move as carefully, and strategically as possible. This is going to be a long game…

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