Major Motivation Issues

multiple sclerosis motivation ms mood attitude

You might not really guess this but I have always had some major issues with motivating myself to succeed… I can never get myself to get up and actually do something unless I have someone else working on what ever it is I want with me. There are of course exceptions to this but for the most part this has always been a major issue for me and MS sure as heck isn’t helping… It has always driven me mad but now that I have MS as an additional weight on my shoulders and now that I am in a position where I feel as though my level of success in life has been steadily declining it’s only making me crazier and crazier.

It’s no secret that I’m not happy with where I am in life… I have no job, no car, no long term goals, no money, nothing. Everyday I grow less and less content with my situation at home which should push me to work harder to succeed, to move on, to achieve a greater life, but no… For what ever reason no matter how crappy of a day I have I can’t seem to get myself to say “This is enough, I am going to make this change”. Why is that? I always read about these great success stories where people went from having less then nothing to making millions because they simply had enough and strove for success. It makes me mad because I have all the necessary opportunities in life to succeed just as well but I can’t seem to grab hold of any of them. JK Rowling, write of the harry Potter series, was a single mother on welfare who wrote her first book on an actual typewriter… Now she is one of the richest woman in the world and why? Because she want out of the spot that she was in, she strove for success, and she got it.

One of my major endeavors is to finish my novel and get it published whether I get paid or not. I originally set the goal to see if I could actually do it, to see if I could set a goal and take advantage of my opportunities in life and make something actually happen. I am disabled, out of work, pretty much out of school, have a computer to type with and all the time in the world, literally… Yet… Still I am sitting here staring at the wall, staring at the ceiling, not writing… Why? I don’t know. Every time I sit down to try and write I just get really depressed because I can’t clear my mind of my life problems and focus like I should which brings about sever writers block. Then I acknowledge that this is happening and it makes me even more frustrated with myself which leads to a deeper depression… What a vicious cycle…

So what do I need to do to change this? I’m about to turn 21 years old, I need to be able to get over this already and get myself to actually do something with my life. I shouldn’t be this broke without a job and car or the slightest idea of what I want to do with my life. This book I am writing is still a test, the first step in pushing myself to do something because if I can’t get myself to commit to something I enjoy doing, that I am not being forced to do, then how will I ever succeed in a life that demands so much effort to survive? I am going to try and start some kind of routine tomorrow. Wake up, work out, shower, walk to Starbucks, and write. I don’t know how long the weather will be cool enough for me to walk but hopefully it will last about a week because if I set my schedule right and work really hard I can finish my second draft by Friday. I’m just a tad nervous about a 45 minute walk when my health has been so unpredictable… I think I really need that feeling of accomplishment to give me a little boost and I think it’s going to take much more structure and discipline to achieve that, I just need to push myself to maintain my commitment…

If anyone has some advice on self-motivation please share it with me, I would greatly appreciate it. This is something that many people probably deal with for many different reasons so the sooner I can figure my issue out the sooner I can try to help others. Thanks!

8 Responses to Major Motivation Issues

  1. Brad says:

    You are a wonderful writer, Matt. I have to force myself to do things. I just look towards the future. I guess hope is a motivator for me…and it should be for you. You are talented, and amazing. Your novel will be something that I want to read.

  2. Matt Allen G says:

    Haha thanks, I hope I can live up to everyone's expectations :^b Hopefully Ill get a lot done tomorrow.

  3. MS and depression – a wicked combination. The first makes you susceptible to the latter which in turn makes the first worse. Some MSers have benefited from antidepressants. Some, like me, have not. What has benefited me, ironically enough given today’s poem, is mindfulness therapy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness-based_cognitive_therapy And of course having an outlet like my blog to express myself on a daily basis has been a surprising aid. Writing in general is probably my greatest “joy producer.” I wish joy for you, Matt. It is there to be found, even if one often has to scrape layers of crud to find it.

  4. Matt Allen G says:

    Thanks, Ill check out that link in just a bit, just woke up :^b

  5. MKAD says:

    You know what, Matt, you're my motivator with your determination, your support to other MSers.
    I wish I could do the same for you…

  6. Matt Allen G says:

    You DO motivate me, all my friends here do in so many different ways, but I simply have issues with SELF-motivating myself to succeed in my person endeavors. I don't know how to explain it, drives me nuts.

    Hope your doing ok!

    -Matt

  7. Brad says:

    Hey Matt

    I feel your pain–i have already had a chance and m.s took it away from me—and i am as lost as you say —i feel like i could be great —as soon as i get off this couch 10 more mins…..
    im 28 so not so far off from you–but the thing is Matt you are doing alot —you are very inspiring to other young males with m.s and other m.s ers as well . i know you dont feel so hot and you dont feel as productive as you should–but u share as much as you can—you moderate a no bullshit board about the bullshit of m.s.you have great character. cant say everything will work out because this is life. but the self motivation is small shit—my landlord always says " dont sweat the small shit cause its all small shit"

    Thank you Matt

    Dont be so hard on yourself

  8. Matt Allen G says:

    Haha I like what your landlord says, that's funny cuz its true. I try not to be hard on myself but idk, I want to be able to earn some money and move forward in life. The stuff I do may help other people but it doesnt move me forward in life very much haha…

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