The one thing I CAN measure right now is the amount of time it’s been since I have last written a blog post. I have been majorly slacking in my writing… Been kind of busy and my mind has been elsewhere.
Anyways, what I am getting at is it seems to be nearly impossible to measure the progress I am making with my disease. One minute I think I am getting better, next minute I think I am getting worse, then all of a sudden I am feeling better again, then back to crap. It’s annoying… Furthermore, my symptoms “progress” are not all in sync. One day my balance will be great but my vision will be poor and the next day my balance will be horrible and my vision will be great. So how can I really say I am getting better or worse? I don’t know how to keep track of everything, I wish there was a way I could accurately convert my daily feelings and symptoms into numbers but I have not quite figured out how to properly do that just yet.
So how have I been doing this week? For the most part pretty good. There have been a few moments where my vision got a little bad but for the most part all my symptoms have been pretty settle. Balance is not to bad, cognitive issues not too, too, bad, Lhermites sign has been absent for most the week except at night when I am getting really tired but even then I can barely feel it in my left hand. Fine motor control is still not 100% but it’s not that bad either: My fingers move a little slower, it’s hard to do things like keep a cup of water steady while holding it in my left hand, and my coordination is off. My sensativity to the cold has been pretty bad though…
While it seems like most my symptoms are slowly getting better there have been a few little things here and there that have popped up but I guess I do have to remember that I have been on steroids for 7 months and during the last 7 months I have also had THREE Solu-Medrol IV treatments. Now I am almost tapered off my oral steroids and so my body is not getting the extras kick it has probably grown dependent on. I am noticing my fatigue slowly crawling it’s way back into the picture… It’s hard to deal with fatigue when I need to be productive more then ever right now.
I think ultimately right now is going to be a time for strength and endurance to play a major roll in my life. I have to struggle to get the things I want: I need a job, I need a car, I need lots of things, and so, I need to push through the tough stuff and not let this MS get in the way of my progress, my success for they are two things that simply will not just land in my lap. Everyone has hardships in life to overcome but when there is an entire country on the other side of the world submerged in water and nuclear radiation I don’t think I have any room to complain. When there is a country who’s own leader is attacking innocent civilians in attempts to maintain control over their freedom I don’t think that I have any room to complain. Someone else always has it worse then you do so it’s important to focus on the positive things in one’s life no matter how small they are because somewhere out there in the world there is someone who would kill to have just a tiny taste of what you have, of what you have grown to take for granted. I have so much opportunity and so much potential, I need to learn to appreciate that more and make something of myself.