My Thoughts: Sometimes I Just Want to Leave it All Behind

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Obviously I have been going through a bit of a rough patch in the last week or so as I always seems to go through when doing my IV treatments. The Solu-Medrol (Steroids) severely effect my mood and makes functioning as a “normal” human being kind of difficult especially when it seems like no one really, truly, understands what I’m dealing with. Its hard for people to understand what they can’t see and the symptoms I am fighting off right now are all mostly invisible with the exception of my behavior but people react to that differently then they do when they see someone having trouble walking or standing which is ironic because in reality most these “invisible” symptoms are much more frustrating then then the more obvious, visible ones…. Sometimes….

My point is, when it’s hard to walk you can literally find someone to lean on but when your emotions are collapsing or simply just out of whack, there is not much to be done but suffer it seems. That seems like a rather foolish, immature response but that’s simply because I have yet to experience anything different… This is why sometimes I just wish I could leave it all behind just for a day. I wonder if I will ever experience that again? One, simple, day where Multiple Sclerosis never crosses my mind, one day where I forget that something is wrong with me, one day where I can feel like I am living a normal life. That’s all I want sometimes is to just not have to think about ANY of it but I can’t seem to get that.

What do I need to change to make this happen?

I don’t know. 

I just know I want things to be different.

5 Responses to My Thoughts: Sometimes I Just Want to Leave it All Behind

  1. "… one day where I forget that something is wrong with me, one day where I can feel like I am living a normal life."

    I do hope you can find that, despite this illness.

    Judy

  2. Soph says:

    I know the feeling. I suppose we all want things to be different. 🙁 Maybe there is something you can do to take your mind off things for a while? As much as it stresses me out (and sometimes makes my symptoms worse in the process), university is my anchor when I need to feel at least somewhat normal. Maybe one of your hobbies that you can still keep up or your favourite music/book/whatever?

  3. Matt Allen G says:

    Im trying to learn to keep my mind off of everything for stress purposes as well. I go to bed listening to my family bicker and I wake up to them bickering, I can't ever get a moment of actual peace.

    Im going to try to really focus on my hobbies and hopefully find a place be i a park or starbucks I can hang out at more often while the weather allows and while my wallet has a few bucks in it. We shall see.

  4. Matt Allen G says:

    Not to mention I have been awake in bed for about 10 minutes so far and already people have barged in and out of my room about 5 or 6 times being all noisy, hard to start your day stress free to that. Man… They can't even close the door on their way out. Make that 7 so far.

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