I AM GOING CRAZY!
The last few days have been tough on me, the boredom has been overwhelming and this is pushing me over the edge of depression… I try my best to keep busy but when you are flat broke sometimes it’s hard to keep the few hobbies you have at home from growing old… Boredom has always been my worst enemy when it comes to depression and this has become a major issue since I was diagnosed with MS because I am not always physically able to go out and do the things I once was able to do. Things obviously aren’t too bad right now, it’s really just a matter of not having money that’s causing my boredom, but at the same time, my MS is acting up enough that getting and keeping a part time job might be a little tricky… I WISH I had a job right now, I need to feel accomplished at the end of the day, but right now that’s not always such an easy thing to feel. Oh yeah, still nothing from disability and all the money I made on my last photoshoot went towards my medications… Frustrating but that’s life.
So in attempt to conquer my boredom and to hopefully progress in life I have been focusing on my photography and writing. I am almost done editing my first draft of my novel and eager to start my second draft but I can only do so much reading in one day… My photography has been a bit slow do to a lack of popper funding to build my portfolio to the point where I will feel more comfortable looking for REAL work… Also hard to work on photography when you don’t have a car and there is nothing local to visit… I did re-build my website a bit so that has made me eager to get some of the photo shoots I have lined up going, can’t wait to get some good picture up on my site! Hopefully this weekend!
So yeah, I really feel like a hostage of time right now… I have been fighting to get my money back in court from someone I bought a dud car from… I won in court but they are not paying up… So now I have to file MORE paperwork and set up ANOTHER hearing to hopefully create some kind of obligation for them to give me my Two Grand back which would really help to have right now… My point is, I have been working on this since July of 2010… That money isn’t coming my way anytime soon… Disability is taking for ever and there is nothing I can do to speed the process… Photography is on hol… EVERYTHING is on hold right now and it’s driving me nuts!
I just want something to keep me busy and help me progress in life! I would really like to move out eventually because I am sick and tired of living in the corner of a bedroom I have to share with my brother at my parents house… I know what I want in life right now but there is not much I can do to obtain the simple life I want….
I’m frustrated and I’m LOOSING MY MIND!