My Thoughts: Progressing in Life

PhotobucketWell, today I suffered a bit of an “emotional breakdown”. Happens to everyone and as strong as I try to be it happens to me too… Yes I may come off as one with a strong positive attitude but every now and then life gets the best of me and I crack, falling into the darkness of depression.

“Tough times never last but tough people do”

A friend told me that, a friend who doesn’t know of my MS but saw that I was clearly having a bad day. What a great way of looking at things because it’s so true. Times may be tough but they will not last for ever, however, I guarantee you that I will.

“In the end everything will be OK and if it’s not OK then we haven’t reached the end yet.”

Another of my favorite quotes though who originally said this I am not sure. I have heard it was originally said by presidents, screenwriters, and poets but who said it doesn’t really matter as it is a great quote and a great way of looking at life.

After I straightened my head out with the help of a good friend of mine, I realized that the source of my depression is the fact that I have not been progressing in life. Sure there are many other “social factors” that lead to my breakdown but ultimately, the underlying source of my depression is the fact that I am stuck in life. When you take away someones “options” in life that leads to dark feelings. I have very little options at the moment… I have no money, no job, no car of my own, hardly any friends, and so, I can’t go out and do the things I want to do, I cant save up for the things I want to pocess, I can’t move out, etc. I have no options, I have no choice but to sit in my room and watch time slowly pass by. This leads to my depression.

I want desperately to progress in life, to start my life, and when I talk about progressing, I am of course overlooking my health and talking specifically about my overall life, the life I wanted before I even had MS. The things that some people would refer to as “success” though don’t get me wrong, I surely do not live by societies stereotypical set of standards. I know what I want and I know what will make me happy and that is what I am pursuing, my own views of success that is. I have no doubtingly made much progress in my health since my diagnosis (even though at the moment I am starting to have trouble again) but I want to succeed in my overall life endeavors or start making progress towards them that is. I don’t want to feel stuck anymore, I want my options back.

I miss having a job and a car of my own with money to spend. I had options, I could actually do things, work towards goals, etc. I think if I had all that back I would be such a happier person, it would make such a huge difference in my life but right now I am so stuck and I hate it! It’s driving me mad!

My overall point is that I have realized it’s important to set goals in life and constantly move forward in order to feel accomplished at the end of the day: in order to feel like you have options and like your not stuck.

“Dream as if you’ll live for ever, Live as if you’ll die today”. -James Dean

10 Responses to My Thoughts: Progressing in Life

  1. I do feel for you! I hope for better
    kim

  2. It's good that you are not letting MS define you, even though it may want to.
    Judy

  3. Matt Allen G says:

    MS is just an obstacle,

  4. Willowtree says:

    I remember in the beginning writing a poem where I likened this process to throwing all of the chips up, and them just being suspended in mid air – stuck. I know what youre talking about.
    Hang in there – with finger nails if needs be.

  5. Matt Allen G says:

    Doing my best, haha thanks.

  6. BLU editor says:

    Hey Matt, I found you on You tube! I hope it's ok to link your blog. I like to give MS tumblrs info when I can!

  7. Matt Allen G says:

    Oh I see! Yes of course it's ok! My goal is to help as many people as possible so that's only helping! Thanks!

  8. Mai Khac says:

    I'm thinking of you from my corner of the world. Wishing you all the best. You've got friends here, and your spirit still dances no matter how hard life is for you.

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