An Emotional Cold Front

Multiple sclerosis has greatly affected my life in the last five months or so, it has helped me change in so many ways but recently I’ve realized that I need to make something clear. For anyone out there who believes that my MS has caused me to grow calloused and cold, you are wrong. The only thing that has caused me to grow cold is people. People have made me cold, people have formed my calloused emotional state, and people have made me who I am today. MS simply opened my eyes to allow me to see the world more clearly.
I am done trying to please everyone for everyone can not be pleased. I am done being used and I am done stressing out over the emotional well-being of others when they obviously have no regard for mine. I know who my true friends are and I will keep them close because when it comes to dealing with MS, one must surround himself with positive people. So call me a jerk, I don’t care, but I am realizing now who those people are and who I need to separate from my life. Like I said, I am only this cold because of how I have been treated, I have no choice but to do what’s best for me and my health. I don’t like that I have to be this way but I also don’t like being miserable and after all I’ve been through and after all the people I’ve tried to help I think I deserve to not feel like crap everyday.
I can be a really good friend but at this point I am done handing that friendship out to people who can not return it. There are plenty of other people in the world who want that kind of friendship, who need that kind of friendship, and I will save what I have to offer for them. Again, call me a jerk, but I frankly just do not care anymore, I can’t care anymore, I just don’t have the energy.

10 Responses to An Emotional Cold Front

  1. @sh says:

    I really admire your "this is how it's gonna be" attitude. And good for you, for learning early that pleasing everyone is an impossible task. I too have learned that you can't make everyone happy… If only I could stop trying. You are inspirational, even if you don't know it . 🙂

  2. Matt Allen G says:

    I only wish I could inspire myself, follow my own advise, but that is easier said then done, we as people are hypocritical my nature I think…

    But thank you, this is the attitude I am going to HAVE to have in order to progress in life and become successful.

  3. @sh says:

    I know what you mean about inspiring yourself. LoL.. I could tell thousands of people what they should do to change their lives for the better.. but when it comes to my own.. I don't want to look it in the eyes, face the facts.. realize what has to be done, and move forward. I agree. A world full of hypocritical wannabes.But then again. Who am I to talk. We never can stop moving forward.. because your either moving forward or falling behind to where you want to be. Because stopping would be going back to where you came from right? maybe I'm rambling making no sense whatsoever. lol.. I see your into photography too? very cool.

  4. Matt Allen G says:

    For me I don't think its a matter of not WANTING to look at my own life for what it is, I simply think I am consciously unaware of what's going on. One can not be his own psychiatrist for one requires a third person perspective for true "help".

    But yes, all we can do is move forward, the past is nothing but a maze of pain that you can so easily get lost in. If we don't move forward in life we will forever dwell in the purgatory of the past…

    On a lighter note, yes lol, I am trying to get my photography thing going, I enjoy it a lot and I think it might be perfect for my "dream career" do to the MS thing… Go at my own pace, work my butt off when I am well, put money aside to rest when I am ill, and yeah, I don't know, beats working in an office, so we will see…

  5. Anonymous says:

    This blog is so true for me! I am in the beginning processes of the doctors appointments right now and am told I have ms… I am a great friend to my friends. I do whatever they need/want/ask me to do. I listen to all problems and remember things they tell me so I can ask about them later whether I care about the situation or not. I have definitely not get the same curtosy! I have one friend, one that I considered to be my best 2 months ago, that I do things for all the time…babysit, watch classes(we are teachers), help with her clubs and coaching duties, listen (she always has problems), share my pool with her and her kids (even when I had plans) etc… I have always felt like it was a little one sided, but now… I have been completley blown away at the lack of caring. I have missed 10 days of work this month. I've had a really bad flair up. Not only will she not help me, she won't even ask how I am or even acknowledge I am sick. All of the other teachers have stepped up to help out except her. Now when I talk to her, it is still about her problems and wanting me to help her! I will have to say, the others have all been great. You do however find out who was just using you! I feel exactly like you on that…I'm done! I am a good friend and from now on, I will demand that in return. If you don't want to be my friend, don't expect me to do for you what I would do for my friends!

  6. Matt Allen G says:

    Yeah, that is why I have ONE friend now, I won't settle for less than I give…. So many people are so fake, I hate it…. UGH…

  7. Anonymous says:

    So I've just started reading your blog today. I really think it will help me knowing what others have been through. I feel really alone in this. I don't want to complain to the people that care about me because it scares them… but I'm scared too and need someone to talk to. Maybe reading yours and others blogs will be good for me. I may create my own too. Does that help you? (I posted the previous post about the friend. I'm Jaime

  8. Matt Allen G says:

    Do you have facebook? I have hundred of MS friends of all ages and genders, a private support group, that helps a lot of us.

  9. Anonymous says:

    I do! I'm Jaime Pounders Key. I will try to friend you.

  10. Matt Allen G says:

    Yay! I will be on the lookout!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *